Unequal

The Line

"I will never win against you brother for the mere fact that you are a genius and I am not. Even if you don't understand, even if no one else can comprehend, only I knew that from the start a line was always present between us and we could have never been equal. From the start I knew you never thought of anything as important enough for you to try it out seriously, not school, not dating, you were just content being average. However, I always wanted to be your equal so I did my best, in all truth I could careless if I was at the top of everything, but it seems like it wasn't enough. In truth, I always thought of dying but whenever you praised me I thought that maybe if I was alive a little longer we could eventually stand on equal footing. Sadly, however, it was not meant to be. Hey brother do you remember that conversation you had with mom when she was lecturing you for purposely failing your class by skipping it all the time, remember that when you said,"I could careless about school or the future, if I wanted to be the best my brother wouldn't stand a chance at beating me, we can never be equals! I'm me, and he is himself, don't compare us because we are twins!" I know you didn't plan on me hearing it or plan to hurt me, yet those words shattered my hopes and dreams that pushed me to live. Now I have no purpose to live, and " a human with no dreams is better off dead." Wasn't that what you had always said brother..."

... On reading those few words the dam within me collapsed and rivers of tears came pouring down. Emotions of sadness, guilt, and regret swirled through out my body and drowned me, all in while my scorching throat gasped for air and choked on my damp saliva. I had never realized the anguished my brother felt, nor how he took everything I said to heart, now I regret saying those words and loathe how dense I was. If only I had noticed his uneasiness, if only I had comforted him, if only I had taken things seriously, maybe I could have saved him, and told him that deep within me I had always thought of him as an equal and to me he was an irreplaceable brother and friend.

But now it was too late...