There it was. My biggest fear standing right in front of me, ensure. I cried and cried and skipped supper that night. The next morning was so much different. My Dr. gave me tons of food. If I didn't eat it in time, they would give me ensure. But I was used to eating slowly. I tried and tried. But they ended up giving me ensure. I felt sick, I felt like shit, like all those fasting days were for nothing. I'd cry myself to sleep everynight until, my Dr. found out about an ed clinique nearby. They came and visited me. First there was my nutriologist Atheena. Which made everything way easier, she gave me more time to eat, she would give me the right portions. But, I hated her just for one simple reason. She wouldn't let me see my weight, which I can't still see now a day. Everything used to be perfect when I ate by myself, Ana was sooo mad at me and I would cry and cry because all they would give me was ensure.
***
Maybe if I'm skinnier he will like me back. Maybe my boobs would be smaller. I was so ashamed of my boobs because when I was in fourth grade everyone used to laugh at how huge they were. Anyway, I was in a family meeting and told myself I should only eat potatoes. Which I didn't know back then would just help me GAIN weight. From then on, I went to skipping every meal. I told my parents I was fat and huge. They wouldn't give a shit and would continue with their lives. I started weighting myself a lot. So, I saw the results but in a few days we would go to Italy. The food place. Gellatos, pizza,spagguetti. On our trip I just forgot about everything and started eating normal again. I was in love with food.
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April 2014
"Damn it!" I would say, I saw all this pretty and skinny girls on youtube. Then I found about a healthy channel and subscribed, and started working out and being healthier. I had no intention no loose weight. But, one day, this one day my parents and everyone would be like "Wow you look way skinnier" and for some reason that made me happy. I started exersicing more and eating less and that's how it all started.
YOU ARE READING
Victim.
Humor*Trigger warning* This is the story of how anorexia took over my life. It all started with a damn yogurt. Well not at all, it all started with Ana. She told and keeps telling me what and what not to eat. To be honest I still don't know how this will...
