CHANGE- uswnt

i hate it here

"I'm not going."

Mallory didn't look up from her suitcase. "You are."

"No, I'm not."

"Maddy."

"I'm not going back," I said, arms crossed tight over my chest. "I'm serious."

Mallory glanced up from her suitcase, brow furrowed. "Maddy..."

"No." I shook my head hard. "You're not listening. I'm not going. I don't care what anyone says."

She sighed and sat down across from me, elbows resting on her knees. "I am listening. But you have to go back eventually. Your stuff is there. Your rehab is scheduled through the school's—"

"I don't want to do rehab there!" I snapped. "I don't want to do anything there! That school, Mal, I don't fit there without soccer. I'm nothing without soccer. I walk into the dining hall and people look at me like I'm invisible unless I've scored that week."

Mallory blinked, taken aback by how sharp my voice had gotten. I wasn't even sure where it was all coming from. I just knew I was hot all over and I wanted to scream.

"I just want to live with you and Dansby," I blurted. "Please. Let me go with you. I can go to a normal school. One where people don't care if I'm limping down the hallway or missing a freaking lift test. I'll keep up with rehab. I'll do whatever. Just don't make me go back."

Mallory didn't say anything at first. Her mouth parted like she wanted to respond, but she just looked at me, really looked. I hated that look. The one that said you're spiraling and I don't know how to stop it.

"Maddy," she said gently, "you don't mean that."

"I do! I do mean it!" I could feel my throat tightening, heat rising behind my eyes. "You said I was part of the team. That I belonged. So let me stay with you. Please."

"You belong, but that doesn't mean you can just drop your life."

I let out a frustrated yell and grabbed the nearest throw pillow, chucking it across the room. It hit the wall with a dull thud. "Why not?! Why not, Mal? Everything's broken anyway. My knee, my future, my brain, God, I can't even read the stupid rehab packets without having to look up half the words. I can't focus. I can't do anything."

She stood quickly and walked over, crouching in front of me. "Hey. Hey. Breathe. You're okay."

"I'm not okay!" My voice cracked, hands balling into fists in my lap. "Livy barely even talks to me anymore. She used to get me. Now it's like I'm just... some broken thing. Everyone moves on when you can't play."

Mallory reached for my hand, but I yanked it back. "I just want to stay with you. You're the only one who makes me feel like I'm safe. Like I'm not going to drown in all of it."

Her face softened, and her voice dropped to a whisper. "Maddy, I want to protect you. You do feel like family to me. But this isn't something I can fix by letting you crash on our couch. You need help, real help, and you need to go back."

"No," I said, shaking my head, barely holding back a sob. "I need you. That's it. Just you."

Mallory was quiet for a long moment. Then she gently sat beside me, wrapping her arms around my shaking shoulders.

"You have me," she said. "You always will. Even if you have to go back to school. I'm not disappearing."

Mallory's arms were around me, but it didn't fix anything. It didn't quiet the storm. I sat stiffly in her hug, fists clenched against my knees, eyes burning. Every part of me buzzed with anger and panic.