CHANGE- uswnt

loml

I didn't want to be there.

My hoodie sleeves were too long, the drawstring kept slipping into the bowl of pasta I wasn't touching, and the light above our team lunch table in the hotel dining area buzzed faintly. Every sound felt louder lately. Knives against plates, casual laughter, the squeak of sneakers against the polished floor. My phone was the only thing keeping me grounded. Scrolling and scrolling, numbing myself with garbage I couldn't even remember five seconds later. It was easier than looking up and meeting anyone's eyes.

Mallory had practically dragged me here. She said it would be "good to be around people." That I "couldn't stay cooped up forever." I hadn't wanted to argue. Not because I agreed, but because I was too tired to fight her.

The food on my plate sat cold and untouched. I moved some of it around for appearances' sake, then gave up and went back to my phone. Instagram, Twitter, TikTok. Rinse, repeat. My knee throbbed under the table. The brace made it hard to sit comfortably, and I could feel it swelling again. I didn't care enough to ice it.

Conversations floated around the table, disjointed and distant. I wasn't part of any of them. Mallory sat next to me, occasionally trying to loop me in.

"You want a piece of bread?" she asked, nudging the basket toward me.

"No," I muttered.

"Did you see what Rose posted earlier on her story? That dog filter one with Sonnett?"

I shook my head.

Mallory paused. "You okay?"

I shrugged. The room felt too bright and too loud. The table too long, the voices too many. I was drowning in them and no one knew.

Trinity, across from me, tilted her head. "You've been kinda quiet," she said gently.

"I'm fine," I said. My voice was flat. Barely audible.

Lindsey gave a small smile, like she was trying to bridge the awkwardness. "That's just code for leave me alone."

People chuckled. I didn't. My fingers twitched. I wanted to disappear.

Mallory leaned in closer, voice low. "Hey. You've barely spoken all day."

"I'm fine," I repeated.

"Madeline..."

"What?"

She hesitated. "You don't have to pretend with me."

"I'm not pretending," I said, voice sharper than I meant.

Silence fell at our section of the table. I felt the shift, the way their conversation slowly trailed off as people looked over. I kept my head down.

"Mads," Mallory said again, more gently. "I'm worried about you."

"You don't need to be."

"Well, I am. I care. That's— that's not gonna change."

I clenched my jaw and stared at my plate. My stomach felt twisted. I wasn't mad at her — not really. I just couldn't keep doing this. This act. This polite, half-living shell of myself. It was getting harder to breathe around everyone.

Mallory touched my arm, just lightly and that's when it snapped.

"Stop," I hissed, louder than I meant to. A couple of heads turned. "Just... stop hovering. I'm not your responsibility."

She blinked, stung. "I'm not— Maddy, I'm trying to be your friend. That's all."

"Well maybe I don't want that right now!" I snapped. "Maybe I just want to sit here without you treating me like I'm about to break!"