Enemies With The Benefits

The Flash Back

I was laying on my bed, when my mind suddenly drifted from the law of conservation of mass and the way my squinty teacher explained it. Suddenly there was a beautiful man interupting my studies.

Blue eyes black messy hair that layed perfectly on his forehead. But i couldnt swoon over him. It was crossing the line of stupidness. Which might i add has been crossed one too many times before. And i was definitely not ready to cross it again. That is absolutely forbidden territory.

When i was with cole it was my first relationship and usually people who have had past relationships are either not talking or extremely angry at each other for a specific reason. But one percent of the 99 percent of people which is me. had a clean break up. Me and cole are good friends now. At first we were friends with benifits then it escalated to being boyfriend and girlfriend. But it didnt really work out it was too awkward for us really. We just were too comfortable around each other that we have mistaken our coziness and heated moments for more. But it was just that. Heated moments. But back to what happened between me and carter.... can never EVER happen again.

I could have sworn i had seen him today, and my god did he look delicious. But then i remembered that my emotions decided to fuck me over. I srewed the son of a bitch and there was nothjng that i couldhave done about it. Other then regreting it for the rest of my life.

Me and carter go way back we were childhood enemies ever since he steped on my sandcastle in kidergarden. That was a big deal to me okay. In all fairness i wourked really hard on that and it wasnt fair that he steped on it. So he decided then and there to start making my life hell. Up until 4th grade when my mom decided enough was enough, after i came home crying everyday. She thought it was a great idea to have a talk with the kid's mom who was making her daughter cry everyday. Little did i know that made it even worse. My mother and his mother became attached to the hip and became bestfriends. Which was great for my mom in all honesty she needed some friends not to be rude. But for me thats when my life got a whole lot worse.
"What are you doing carter, give it back."

I shouted. The child i was i stomped my feet on the ground and screamed for my mom. Which by the way came running in to see what had happened.
"Mommy tell him to give me my toy back. He wont give it back mommy please its the last thing i have left of him."

And by him i ment my dad. Dad. I missed him so much. My dad passed away when i was 9 and i went spiraling into depression. He had left me a bear named clark. It was this light brown stuffed bear with one eye missing but i loved the little guy. You heard me. Loved.

That son of a bitch ruined my bear. Or should i say my dads bear. It was the only thing keeping me together after the tragic death of my dad. I used to think that maybe when my dad left me his bear that when he died his soul got transfered into clark. Those warm broen eyes and those amazing memories.

"He had promised me to go to the carnival downtown, it was by far my favourite thing to do.

"Daddy can we go on that one" i pointed to the ride with butterflies on it.

"Okay princess, but its a little scary okay. Tell me if your scared and I'll hold you alright."

I smiled brightly at my amazing dad " thank you. Thank you. thank you. Your the most amazing dad in the world."

My dad chuckled and put the seat belt on. The little person i was i was really easily scared so when the right began to start. I cried right through it.

The amazing person my dad was. Comforted me all the way through the ride and later on bought me icecream, cotton candy, candycorn and my teddy, clark.

That memory was still imprinted in my mind. Still fresh as if it had happened yesterday. I took that bear everywhere with me. That is until carter ended the existence of it. He ripped it piece by piece right infront of my while i cried. It still hurt up until now. It was like the death of my father all over again. Having the one thing that connected you to your father ripped away from you right infront of your eyes. Its heartbreaking.

The day after. I would never come out of my room. And when i did its because my mom carried me out to either shower or eat. But even eating, i never did have an appitite for it either. I would sleep endlessly. I would ignore everyone. And not talk. When my mom had forced me to go out with her and her new found bestie while carter was there he would always pick on me, but whats the difference there he always used to pick on me. But he difference is that he would never get a reply. Whether it was a push to the ground or a punch in the arm or a rude comment about me. I would emotionlessly get up and walk away without another word.

I was a emotionless body walking around in a world filled with cruel people.

And no one could ever do anything to fix me because in the eyes of everyone i was unfixable. Broken beyond repair. And thats what really sucked. No one even tried to fix me. Mend me. It hurt so bad that no one had the time or breath to even spare me a second glance never mind try fixing me.

But over time i got over it. I built my walls and ive never had them crumble. Not unless someone brought up my dad. My mom had been through too many if my melt downs and had learned her lesson about not bringing him up.

Thats verbal i can stop it. Something i cant stop though are my memories. And thats what brings me to the point where it breaks me even more then ever before. Living though it. Not having anyone there to tell me it was okay. Because they knew it wouldnt be. I also knew i wouldnt be.

Theres no point in trying to fix whats broken. Just throw it away and get a new one.