Screaming in the silence

Chapter 1

"You're so worthless."

"Don't bother getting back up you piece of shit. "

" You make my eyes hurt."

Why did I have to be the one they picked on? Couldn't they just find a hobby or something that didn't include beating me up. I hated this. Every time this happens my jeans get another rip and my clothes get dirty and horrible, I hardly own anything good anymore. The constant names, the after school beatings, the class time humiliation. I was sick of it. Now Alex, the school jock, the oh so popular of the school with his brown hair and green eyes that girls find irresistible, he who was on the school athletics team and excelled in everything typically. And his girlfriend Sam, a typical blonde barbie with perfect hair and body and face, had just had there minions who I have no ideas of their names where, knock the living daylights out of me. When was this torture to end.
My name is Alli Wickers Redbird, live to you from rainy rainy Scotland, and I'm just another typical victim of bullying. No I can't tell and yes I hate but my life isn't all sunshine and happiness. I guess I have reddish-brown hair that stops just below my shoulder and ugly brown eyes with random black spots in them, so common. One thing I absolutely adore in my life is art, it is my everything. So I waited til they walked away until I got up from the damp car park floor. It was a little chilly but I guess that was to be expected for a Monday in October. They had taken the books from my backpack and thrown them everywhere around me, some had gotten torn and some in puddles getting ruined by the second. My teachers are going to kill me. I could feel liquid running from the corner of my mouth, so gently touching it, it stung , I saw blood on my finger tip. Fabulous. Just fucking great. After I salvaging what I can of all my books I put them into my backpack. I start to walk home on my usual route past the kids park and through the forest near my house. I reached home in good time and checked myself in my bathroom mirror, busted lip and a cut across my check. I've had worse I guess, remembering the time that I invited everyone to my birthday party when I was 10 to bash a pinata. They all laughed at me and said that I was babyish and uncool so they wouldn't come and then they all ganged up and threw things at me, from apples and sandwiches to pencils and books. Who knew 10 year olds could be so mean. I decided to go along on one of signature walks to chill out and clear my mind, maybe get out of my house and away from my gran for a bit. Don't get me wrong I love my gran., it's just she's not always fully convinced of excuses I tell her like my mum would have been taken. I fell down. I walked into the door. The neighbours cat scratched me. I didn't want her to find out how bad it had become at school because that would make things worse for me. I don't live with my parents anymore because my dad was on a business trip to Iraq and as his plane was flying back it got shot down. I was young when this happened so I didn't fully understand that he would never come home so I spent weeks sitting by the front door waiting for everyone to tell me that joke was over. But no one ever did. My mum passed away from grief that her beloved husband was dead and that's how I was taken In by my gran. I love her to bits though. I get so much freedom which I don't use and she let's me be who I want to be. Eventually I get home from walking but grain is working again. She's always working to support the both of us and I feel kind of bad but she tells me not to worry because she likes her job. She works at a bakery in town and bakes cakes, bread, scones, you name it. I want to do something that can help her and help support us too. Maybe I'll get a job or something. Maybe. I turned on the computer in my room and log on Facebook. Just a bunch of hate on my wall, not worth my time. Until I read a second post by Alex.

" You're just a worthless girl, no one even likes you, maybe you should go die like your mum did."

Ouch. That one stung a lot. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, threatening to fall. I shouldn't let them get to me like this. They're stupid teens looking for someone to take their anger out on. Lucky me. However it did get me and I started to cry, I walked on my on- suite bathroom and looked at the mirror. I was a wreck. Then it overcame me. The anxiety. The pressure. The pain. I dropped to the floor and started to hyperventilate. No. This couldn't happen. I have to control it. I haven't had a panic attack in weeks, it can't start again. Hugging my knees close I start to scream into them while breathing quick. I need to slow down. Calm down. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Last time I passed out because of this but no one is home apart from me so it can't happen.