‡ fishnet ‡ m.c.

1

The scratching sound of my pencil on paper fills my thoughts.

I hope that none of you blame yourself when I'm dead. I just couldn't find a way to cope with the stress. I want to thank some people I know, and say goodbye to them individually. First of all, Carmen, I want to thank you for being there when my parents chose not to be. I'm not even going to mention them in this letter because I have nothing to thank them for. Carmen, you're one of the sweetest human beings that I've ever met. You are caring, compassionate, and a great chef. I also want to thank Grandma Helen. Grandma, thank you for helping raise me and guide me when I was in a difficult situation, but this situation is hopeless. The last person I want to thank is Lev. You'll probably take this the hardest. At my funeral, which I don't want, but will inevitably happen, you'll cry the loudest, mourn for the longest, and have the longest, most heartfelt speech. Lev, you are the single most amazing person I've ever met. I want to thank you for absolutely everything you've ever said, or done to me. You've had the most positive impact on my life on my life, and are what keeps me sane. Lev, I love you so, so, so much. When someone finds my body tomorrow, they'll think, why. Why did the perfect rich girl kill herself? Well, this is the answer... Nothing. It's nothing and everything at the same time. I'm writing this right now, to say goodbye. I want you all to know that I love you, and wish you the best. I'm choosing for my last words to be these.

And in the end, we were all just humans. 

I love you.

Goodbye.

I fall back into my chair and sigh. Why and I doing this to myself? I ask.

No normal 17 year old girl should be doing this to herself. But then again, I guess my parents didn't make it possible for me to be a normal teenager. I can't even remember what my life was like before we were super rich.

I take my contacts out, and clean them; my before-bed ritual. I sigh and fall back onto my bed. I heave a huge sigh. My vision blurs and I close my eyes to the falling tears.

⚪⚪⚪

a.n.
I know this is rlly short but its just the beginning so chill your beans

Also I'm looking back at this later and realizing how shitty this is but I swear at like the 6th part it gets better please don't give up on me

ALSO I'm going to update at 4pm eastern time on sundays, tuesdays, and thursdays unless I tell you otherwise and if you want to post this somewhere else or translate it its OK as long as you tell me

-maggie