addiction

FRIDAY

My first thought when I woke up this morning made my heart warm and my stomach feel all tingly.

I love Elliot.

It's such a simple admission, but it does something to me that makes me feel like I don't ever have to worry about anything ever again. Granted, maybe I'm not at the highest degree of being in love with someone as I might be a few months from now. However, I am absolutely certain that I have never experienced a feeling like this in my life. I always thought that love was just the next level of liking someone a lot, but it's not.

Love is the sense of security that I feel with him, and knowing that I don't ever have to worry about him hurting or taking advantage of me. Love is how comfortable I feel around him and being able to be my authentic, unfiltered self and knowing he's okay with it. Love is the laughs we have together and the light-hearted joy of being in his company. But love is also our serious moments where we can care for and support one another when we need it.

For Elliot and I, more than anything, love is the respect we have for each other, for our boundaries, and for who we are as people. Never once has he tried to change something about me or coerce me to be or do anything that I'm not okay with, and vice versa. I've never experienced the feeling of being so confident in my happiness with another person. It's extremely overwhelming, but gratifying.

I can't even get the thought out of my head. Every time I look at him, even as he just stands at his sink washing dishes, I feel it. I love him. I really fucking hope he loves me too. I know at the very least he must like me to some extent. He's told me that much. But I'm not positive he feels the same depth of emotion that I do at this point, and that makes me anxious.

I'm pulled from my thoughts when I hear him call my name. I turn to look at him and he eyes me with concern. "Did you say something?"

Elliot laughs quietly. "I asked if you were alright. You looked all spaced out."

Oh yeah, I was just thinking about how much I love you.

"Did I? Sorry, I'm okay."

Elliot furrows his eyebrows dubiously. He's not buying it. "I don't know, something tells me that's not the truth." He hops up on the counter next to me and narrows his eyes at me. "What's going on? Something is on your mind, I can tell."

"You don't miss much, do you?"

"With you? No."

I don't know why that makes me so happy. I guess it all goes back to that feeling of being secure, like he just knows me and I don't ever have to explain myself to him. It's all very comforting. "Well, you're correct. I guess I'm just feeling a bit haunted by the impending deadline hanging over my head today."

Elliot lets out a heavy sigh and nods. "I figured that might be it." He hops off the counter and grabs both of my hands, looking me directly in the eyes. "Let's not focus on that, okay? No matter what happens today, I want you to know that I have loved every single moment of the last seven days with you."

"Even the one part where you were mad at me for no reason?"

He smiles. "You and I both know I had a very valid reason, but yes, even then. This has been the most special week of my entire life for reasons that I can't even explain with words. I just really appreciate you indulging me with this whole thing, which was absolutely crazy to begin with, and making it really fun."

My heart warms. "It was an interesting challenge you presented. It's kind of like speed dating on steroids, except you skip all the small talk and just get right to the good shit." I say and he laughs. "But thank you for saying that. It does make me feel better. For what it's worth, this week has been unforgettable for me too."