Oneshots!

Reflection

So uh, this is just a diffrent type of Oneshot. Not a short story, nor a rant, but a reflection. I won't even make an announcement or post it on the Fire Guild server because it shouldn't be something that people need to urgently see. I'm not doing this out of desperation to post something or write or for attention, but I want to get stuff out of my chest.

I don't talk about my personal life that much here...Not even much in my Discord server for the sake of privacy. But something happened to me recently that I can't stop thinking about. Don't worry about whoever is reading this, it isn't bad. I just recently finished my last day of school...My last day as a High School student. And though I still have to take exams and there is graduation, high school is technically over for me. Not only that, but it marks the end of a chapter in my life and the start of a new one. 

Since the start of the school year, I've had this constant feeling of reflection. Reflecting on the good moments of my life and the...Not-so-good moments. From hanging out with friends to doing group projects with people to participating in an abundance of afterschool activities to not getting good grades to missing events that I should've gone to. I had been through a lot since the start of High School for better or worse. And yet, there is a constant question repeating in my head, and I can't stop thinking about it. It was, "If you had the chance to do it all over again, would you change anything?" I've asked this question to several of my friends and peers, and they respond with the same answer.

"Yes," They responded. Reasons that are about grades, friendships, and stopping their mistakes from ever happening. But me...I don't know. Yes, no, maybe. I really don't know. There are so many mistakes I've made in the past regarding my school and home life, and yet...Those mistakes allowed me to grow and learn, and if I didn't learn those mistakes...My mistakes...I would've never been able to become the person I am now.

I am not really a smart person, and I'm not trying to self-shame myself or anything, I'm just saying that among my classmates, I am not the brightest bulb among them. But I'm okay with that, my grades are fine, and I'm happy with that. And even though there are some classes in which I don't get the best scores among others, I am proud of it because it allowed me to accept who I am and understand what I can do next to do better. Mistakes happen; they continue to happen till our end, but in truth, that's what makes us human. 

I've also been reflecting on what I want to do for a living. And honestly...I'm still figuring it out. Currently, I want to study English literature, but I'm still wondering if that's what I really want to do as a career.  Everyone says that college is "Where you find yourself" and "You'll learn great things about yourself," but...What if I don't know what I truly want in the end, what then? Graduate and use my talents for nothing but a job that would feel unearned? As a dream, I really would like to be a writer, but...I also need to be realistic about who I should be. I need to make a living to survive. My dad always keeps telling me "Do what will be beneficial for the future, but you will find passion about" I should've thought more about his words before I started my college application. Perhaps...He is right, perhaps what people say about college is right. There is a chance to find myself, and even if I don't fully major in English, there are still many choices I can choose from that show my passion and a chance at success. However, if I really want to succeed, I need to do my best and play smart about it. College is no easy task, but then again...When has anything been easy?

Speaking of college, that means I'll have to go to America soon. I'm not American, for those who are wondering. I'm Asian. More specifically, I'm Indonesian. Born and raised. And now...I will be going to America to learn. And it feels so...Strange to me. I mean, I've been to America before, but I've never stayed more than a week there. Plus, with the stuff I keep hearing about America right now, I'm feeling anxious about my decisions. I should've applied somewhere else or taken a gap year. But I can't. I keep telling myself that I need to push forward and that I've worked too hard for this, and I can't back down now. Whatever troubles I face, whatever dumb political thing that happens there, not only will I need to be smart about my decisions, but I need to have the courage to face them.

As for friendships...It's complicated, but sort of a good way, I guess. For a long time, I've been an introvert, always hiding in plain sight and going to class early rather than hanging out with people. I had a couple of friends, but I was still shy to interact with them. But when Covid-19 hit, it made me realize how lonely I was and how important communication was, so I made a promise to interact with people more often. And that's what I did at the start of High School. It was tough, but each year I slowly improved. I have confidence in talking to people, I hung out with them, and at times, we supported each other through our triumphs and troubles.

But honestly, if it weren't for one friend who encouraged me to hang out with a group of friends, I would still be the same old introverted person I used to be. This person, whom I won't name for the sake of privacy,...I owe a lot to them. They know that I write fanfics and support them. They are one of my most trusted friends. If they ever find this Oneshot...I want them to know that...They really helped me keep going in life, and I just have to say thank you, and I wish them the best in going to university...And hope we can still keep in touch even though we are in different schools in very different places.

Wanna know a funny thing? If it wasn't for Wattpad, I would not have improved my writing not just creativley but everything else. Back then, my grammar really sucked and my descriptions were strange to say the least, plus my dialogue was kinda corny. You can probably see that in one of my older stories. But because I was writing, the more I did it, I slowly improved in my grammar, my descriptions, and so much more. If I hadn't continued to write on Wattpad, I would've struggled in the future, both academically and personally. Truthfully, I am grateful that was not the case.

Regarding family, though, I love my family. I have a big family ranging from uncles, aunts, to grandfathers and grandmothers, and to older and younger cousins. I always say to myself that the important values in life stem from kindness, friendships, and family. Yeah, and that probably sounds like a cheesy line, but it's honestly the truth for me. I try everything to make my family proud because they guided me to success, they protected me from dangers, and they supported me during my lowest points. I owe them everything for where I am right now. Especially to my parents and my older sister. My mother in moral support and guiding me in my decisions, my dad working hard at his job to us financially, and my sister for being one of the only few people to truly understand me. I love everyone in my family, and I will truly miss them when I leave for college. But it won't be a goodbye, it's more of a..."See you later"

In the end, all these things I've said make me who I am. Everything that I've experienced and learned in the past few years was the stepping stone to achieving the next chapter of my journey. The stepping stones to growth. And while the next chapter of my life is a big mystery filled with wonders and fears, it's also filled with excitement. In order to face my next chapter in life, to face whatever horrors and surprises that lay in front of me, I just have to have faith. That's all it takes; you just have to have faith, and yes, I did rip that off that from RvB. And to quote another thing from RvB to end this off...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Ain't that a bitch...