It’s a week before the finals of my last year in college. I’m ready to start my own computer repair and customization shop. The only problem is that I’m going to be leaving behind two important people in my life.
One is this beautiful girl I met just before spring break.
The other is my room mate.
~
Joseph’s sitting at the desk doing his final essay for his Web Page Development class. He’s always kept to himself, even after he admited that he was gay. I thought he was cute.
The only reason he’s my roommate this year is because the other guy dropped out this year. I don’t know if it was a good thing to have met him. Maybe I should’ve kept my distance; but he was so adorable.
“I’ll see you later,” I mumbled to Joseph who gave a tiny nod.
~
Bootsy, my beautiful Alexis, giggles in my arms, her pearly whites glitter in the moonlight. Her own roommate is out for the night, leaving us alone. He soft, firm butt presses against my manhood. She always knows how to push my buttons. Though, neither one of us wants to take it to the next step just yet for we live too far away from each other to visit during the summer. I also don’t want to her regret being with me, she’s still only a sophomore in college after all.
I cuddle her to me on her bed as she smiles cutely. It feels so right to be here with her, but there’s always something missing. She falls asleep in my circle of warmth and I fall soon after.
~
In the morning I am alone with a hot pink sticky note stuck to my nose. “You looked so peaceful I didn’t want to wake you
I entered quietly as to not awaken Joseph, who got up at noon if he didn’t have a class that day. He had the covers all the way up to his face, as always, giving him a cute, childish peacefulness to his face. I couldn’t help myself; it’d been so long since the last time.
Joseph stirred as I crawled slowly into his sheets, “Cale, no,” Joseph mumbled sleeply. I shushed him as I pressed my lips to his soft ones, making him groan. My maleness and his touched and made us moan. Until I met this cute, little emo boy, was never attracted to men. I shrugged off my shirt and slipped his above his head and tossed it aside. Joseph moaned as I kissed his neck and pulled down his boxers along with mine. The boy made it so easy for me to get to him as if he knew I would come to him this morning. He started kissing me back soon after.
The rest you know.
I pulled away from this black haired boy who was breathing heavily in the bed. I always seemed to leave him within an inch of his life when he came. I could still hear joseph’s breathing as I left the room for breakfast.
What had I done? I was an idiot! I shouldn’t have had sex with him, not after how well I’d been staying away from him. This attraction I had to him was stronger than the one I had for Alexis… I can’t be gay…
This little emo boy has me thinking of him more than of Alexis, what does that mean? Not even after he and I had done it is Joseph out of my head. This whirlwind of emotions and memories of both is too much for me to handle…
I have to make a choice.
~
When I get back to the room, joseph is sitting on his bed, his back to the corner of the room. He doesn’t speak as I lay down the breakfast I got us . he says nothing as I hand him his portion.
“Have you told Alexis about us?” he asks suddenly. My whole arm stiffens at the sound of her name.
“She doesn’t have to know any of this.”
A tear trails out of his eye, “You’re an asshole, you know that? You come to me when you’re horny because you don’t want to accidently fuck her life up. But what about mine?! What about the life I wanna have, with or without you, Cale!” he yells.
“What do you want me to do, joseph?! You put me in a bad spot!” I accussed.
“Me? You’re the one who’s always coming into my bed at night, until latly. I was actually glad that you met her, at least with her you wouldn’t be embarresed to be seen with her in public.” He says quietly, I can hear all the hurt and despair in his voice. I didn’t know how fast he really was, but the next thing I knew was that I was seeing stars as my back hit hard against the floor.
I rubbed my cheek where he clocked me and I threw the burrito at him. It missed and splattered against the wall, making a reddish brown stain on the white walls. Joseph got on top of me again and punched me once more; I could barely see his face. A wet drop hit my face along with a third punch, the kid could really hit.
“I hate you, Cale,” he said. I heard his voice coming from all sorts of directions. “I hate that I love you, I hate that you use me for your pleasure, I hate that you love her more than you even like me!” he whispered through his teeth. He knew i could punch him back and he knew I didn’t want any scandals. I hadn’t eve nnoticed that he had my shirt bunched up in one of his fists, raising me up so I could hear him better. I spit blood to the floor, my hand flew up and grabbed Joseph ‘s throat. I heard him take in a sharp breath and felt both of his hands wrap around mine as he tried to pry them open.
I lowered him to my side and I lay on top of him with my hold on his throat loosened. Joseph started bawling and gasping for air, his irish green eyes seemed to turn lighter as they glittered with tears. “Joseph, you turned on feelings in me that I have never expirienced in my life before. I never knew that I could love a man more than I could love a woman. I do love alexis, I do want to be with her, but there’s always something wrong. I don’t feel the need to be with her as one as I feel the need to be with you. You are the apple of my eye and…” I choked out, my throart had swollen from me trying to keep the tears behind. The beautiful girl I met would not be the one for me, my sweet Alexis would never be mine. “I want to be with you,” I whispered softly as I released Joseph’s throat, who had gone still underneath me.
He wasn’t dead. He was crying an ocean of silent tears, “Liar,” he mumbled.
I cupped his face in my hands and raised him to me, kissing him softly, “I mean it,” and I did. Alexis would be my past and Joseph my future.
