Intoxicated In His Love #Wattys2015

Chapter 4

What is he talking about? What questions and what answers. Then it hits me. 3 years ago. I want to slap him, hug him, and just walk away. But I do want answers. I really do. I have waited for 3 years thinking maybe today I'll get the answers but that day never came. Today when the day is here, I don't want them. None of it.

"About what happened three years ago," he says. He's not looking at me. There's something wrong. His voice is raspy. Perhaps he's crying?

" I don't have any questions and I don't want answers. Please drop me off at school," I start to head back to the car but he grabs my wrist.

"Please. Stay. I know you want an answer. I can see it in your eyes," he says. Finally looking at me. He indeed is crying. There's tears in his eyes. But why?

"Okay," I say ignoring the fact he is crying. I don't care about him and I certainly don't care if he is crying. He was history.

"It was a sign. What I did was a sign to express myself. Hoping maybe you did stay, maybe you would understand. I didn't want you to leave. I knew you had to. Maybe if you questioned me that day I could've explained and everything would've been different. Aila I don't know if you feel the same or not but now you know what I feel," he says. With so much sincerity, his eyes holding an unknown promise. He doesn't look away, he's lost in himself and I'm lost in him. I recover quickly, this is wrong. My parents? They will never accept this. I'm a Muslim girl. How can I date? If my parents find out they'll take me back to my home country. This is wrong and this can't happen.

"It was the past. It was history. Please take me back to school," I tell him. Holding back all my tears that are ready to explode. But I can't loose it, not now. Not in front of him.

"Aila?"

"Please take me back Mr.R" I say firmly.

He looks away for a brief moment. Then starts walking towards the car. One stupid bitch of a tear falls out, but I quickly wipe it away. I can't let him see me crying, he will know. I feel the same too, but I can't put his life in misery along with mine. I can't make him go through shitload of problems which will only cause him heartbreak at the end. He doesn't know my parents nor does he know my religion. I get in the car and he starts driving. I know he's hurt and angry but I can't do anything.

"Thanks for everything. Maybe one day I'll get a chance to pay back. Bye," I say and walk out of the car.

I head towards my locker and luckily my friends are there. Aliyah comes running towards me.

"Oh my god. Aila are you okay? What did the doctors say? Wait first eat your lunch," she says.

"I'm fine. It's okay I'm not hungry. How much more time till lunch ends?" I ask.

"35 more minutes," Fiza says.

"Okay. I'll be back guys I've to change. Thanks Aliyah for getting my things," I say and walk towards the girls change room.

I enter the girls change room and as expected no one is in here. Now I really can't hold it anymore and so I start crying. Why? Why did I hurt him? Why did I do this to him? I'm so bad. Terrible person. I quickly change into my normal clothes and look at myself in the mirror. I'm a mess. Mascara and eyeliner are dripping down out of my eyes. My eyes are bloodshot red. I wash my face to get rid of evidence that I cried. But my eyes are still red. I hear the door to the change room open. Shit. I gather my things and am ready to head out without bumping into anyone who came in. But I guess I was meant to bump into whoever came in because it's none other than Fiza. I knew she would catch on to me.

"What went down between you two?" She asks me. She knows everything. She knows my feelings for him but I hid them for 3 years now.

"He gave me answers. He gave me fucking answers to what happened 3 years ago. I didn't want them. I didn't want to hear it Fiza. I knew it would just cause me and him more pain. I didn't..." I start crying.

"Shhh it's okay. I knew his feelings, Aila. I told you all along," she says. I regain myself and tell her everything that went down and why I acted harsh.

"Maybe it's meant to be. Go with him. Be with him. If he truly loves you he will respect your beliefs too. And your parents, we will handle them together later," she says.

"No, dude. You don't understand, I can't do this. I'm scared. And I also don't want to betray my parents," I tell her.

"You're right. But you're causing yourself pain. Along with yourself you're causing him pain too,"

I know. I know I am. But maybe this was supposed to happen. God please make my life normal. Make me forget about him. WHYYYY? Why did he have to come back into my life when everything was going fine. I hate him. I cry more and Fiza just sits there and calms me down.

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