My Nonexistent Love Life

Disney Movies Don't Happen in Real Life?

As a child, I always hoped and dreamed that Prince Charming would come to my doorstep and sweep me off my feet. That he would bring me to his castle then we would instantly fall in love.

Sorry to break it to you kids, but Prince Charming doesn't exist, and fairytales don't happen.

Growing up, I had it drilled into my head that I would have my life clearly figured out by the time I turned sixteen. I believed love was simple, and that anyone can have this glorious feeling. For example, in the second grade, when Robby Donner gave me his favorite purple pen because I taught him how to draw a star. In my head, we were basically in love and we were going to walk down the isle together.

Robby didn't quite know that yet though, nor did he ever find out, because he moved away. I moved on pretty quickly from my future husband though.

Braden Hugh in the fifth grade clearly had to be in love with me. Every girl had a major crush on him. One day, Braden talked to me and told me he didn't like my best friend. So obviously he liked me, right? Braden also had hung out with me throughout the whole fifth grade field trip to mountain climb, so I thought he definitely liked me. During the hike up the large muddy Mountain, we conversed. Or because his friends were with a different chaperone, but I had convinced myself he liked me.

Now, before you think that I was a conceited child, I wasn't. Disney movies and Princess had me convinced love just happens easily.

In middle school, I started to get the hint that Disney movies were not real. My best friend since the third grade, Kortni, had several guys going after her. In our first year of middle school, she had dated the most popular boy in our grade. Of course it was only for a week, and as awkward as any middle school relationship would be. I figured that it didn't matter that I still hadn't had my first boyfriend yet, I would have my life figured out by age sixteen anyway and I was only twelve.

Finally after years of waiting, I turned fifteen and entered High School. It wasn't everything I hoped and dreamed for. It wasn't any High School Musical and there wasn't any Zac Efron. Instead, there were the typical high school stereotypes: the druggies, emos, goths, etc. I was lost and confused, but in the back of my mind I still figured I wasn't sixteen yet.

Freshman year of high school, I had decided it was time for change. Maybe life was like a Cinderella story. I need to be made into a beautiful woman with a pretty dress, then people would notice me. I decided to start dressing trendier, try to talk to more people. I had always been so shy throughout my nine years of schooling, and I didn't want high school to be the same. By the time January rolled around, It would be three months until I would be sixteen and have my life changing moment. I starting talking to a guy, he was so nice. Jessie, my best friend, was a friend of this guy, Chris. Chris was around 5'8 with chocolate brown eyes and sandy blonde hair. He wasn't horrible looking, but he wasn't a Zac Efron, either. In science class Jessie and I would secretly change seats so I could sit closer to Chris and talk to him.

Jessie had told me Chris liked me. So, she invited both Chris and I to the movies with her mom. Jessie told me to grab his hand and hold it. Me, being as inexperienced as I was, decided I should.

When the movie started, I had put my arm on the armrest next to Chris and move over toward him. I glanced over to his hands and saw them resting on his crotch.

So the idea of us holding hands was thrown out the window.

Chris and I still talked, but it wasn't anything special. My birthday passed and I was finally sixteen. I figured I wouldn't get my perfect fairytale life right away, and I was okay with that. One month later, in April, Jessie invited Chris and I to her house and a few other friends. We were dared to kiss, and Chris told me we didn't have to if I was not comfortable. I figured that I was sixteen and this was the time my life was finally taking a turn.

Plus I really liked Chris. So finally here I was standing in front of Chris, ready to kiss him. He dipped his head down and I flickered my eyes up to his and down to his lips several times. I closed my eyes once I got close enough that I knew I wouldn't miss.

After all, in all the movies they have their eyes closed when kissing.

Chris and I pecked lips with a small kiss and we go back to the group of people. Chris is smiling and I, on the other hand, was not.

"Aren't you supposed to be smiling? You just kissed Chris, you like him! Plus it was your first kiss." Jessie exclaimed. I just smiled uncomfortably since now Chris was looking at me with a smile. Was I supposed to feel something? I had thought to myself. I would have butterflies and fireworks. I thought I was going to feel like a whole different person. I feel the same.

That is when it really hit me like a ton of bricks, fairytales do not happen. Maybe Chris was not the one for me. We still talked throughout the rest of the school year and supposedly had a "crush" on each other.

Once school got out for summertime, Chris and I had not talked. We had not seen each other outside of school aside from the movie and when we kissed.

Sophomore year of high school was utter hell. I didn't go to school often because of my medical issues. I had shut people out and it had filtered out who my true friends were. Kortni was the only friend of mine who had stuck by my side and didn't allow me to shut her out. I came to terms that now; I really didn't want to believe in fairytales. I didn't believe anyone would love me. If all of my 'friends' could just disappear out of my life so easily, then I believed that a guy would do the same thing. Once he got to know me, I knew he would run.

I was sure that I had hit rock bottom; I was only sixteen.

I would sleep for hours at a time and refuse to do school work. Mom and I had gotten into more arguments than ever. She had told me that I needed to stop this 'sleeping all the time and not putting effort into anything' phase. I just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up.

Soon, my mother saw that this was a 'phase', I was sick. I had eleven doctors total and had doctor appointments every week to find out what was wrong with me. It would take months for them to figure it out.

I couldn't just tell my mom that I truly believed no one liked me, and that all my friends left me.

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AMAZING cover on side by karuin

PLEASE let me know how you like it!

It may be a little bit of an info dump, but the next chapter is a bit more relaxed.

It won't be a depressing story- I promise. I just needed to start off by giving some background.

THANKS FRIENDS