Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

Fifteen

Fifteen

Despite Ben’s aversion to shopping, Steve had roped him into a trip to PC World. He was on a mission to purchase a new laptop and was completely hopeless when it came to technology. By lunchtime, Steve’s head was spinning with all the technical spiel. With Ben in one ear and a pushy salesman in the other, he thought his brain was about to explode. Hence the decision to take a break and head to the nearest pub.

Desperate to divert the subject away from computers, Steve said, “ I was thinking, this little plan of yours to get Adrian and Becky together.”

“What about it?”

“There is one rather large flaw in it.”

“I beg to differ,” Ben said. “It’s perfect; me and Amy; Adrian and Becky. Me and Adrian getting pissed, while Amy and Becky are waxing their legs or whatever it is they do when they have their ‘girly time’. Where’s the floor in that?”

“Leg waxing isn’t what springs to mind when I think of two women having ‘girly time’,” laughed Steve.

“This is my wife we’re talking about,” Ben reminded him.

“I know. Anyway, the flaw in your plan. What happens when they’re having a tiff, or they’re ‘on a break’, or even split up for good?”

Ben rubbed his chin thoughtfully. Then he drained his glass, pushed it across the table and replaced it with the full one awaiting him.

“Hmm,” he said, his brow furrowing, “I hadn’t thought of that.” He rubbed his chin again. “There’s nothing to say they are going to spilt up, though, is there? And even if they do, I’ll only be in the same position as I was before they got together, so I’ve got nothing to lose, have I?”

Steve snorted a laugh. “Are you thick? You’ve got everything to lose. D’you seriously think that if, say for instance, Adrian cheats on her, things will just go back to the way they were?”

Ben shrugged. “Why not? It won’t have anything to do with Amy and I, will it?”

Steve roared with laughter and shook his head. “Well, thick or just naïve, I don’t know which. Think about it. Becky’ll fill Amy’s head with all sorts of poisonous thoughts about Adrian. She’ll make him out to be the spawn of Satan; even if she’s the one in the wrong…”

“How can it be her in the wrong if he cheats on her,” interrupted Ben.

“For God’s sake, Ben, it doesn’t matter. The point is, all it’ll take will be one telephone conversation and that’ll be that; she won’t let you within five miles of Adrian. And,” he continued, waggling an admonishing finger in Ben’s perturbed face, “unless I’m very much mistaken, you did say that you’d told your beloved that if she didn’t want you to see Adrian again, you’d respect her wishes.” Steve sat back and folded his arms across his chest triumphantly.

“Bollocks,” said Ben.

 Three pints of lager and a bag of chips later, Ben arrived home to be greeted with an unorthodox silence.

“Where are the kids?” he asked Amy.

Amy was tidying away the last of the toys that had, sometime after lunch, commandeered the entire ground floor of their house.

“Upstairs, watching a dvd in James’s room. Don’t panic, I know they’re worryingly quiet but I’ve just checked on them. They were so engrossed in ‘SpongeBob Squarepants‘, they didn’t even notice me enter the room.”

“You sure they’re not redecorating again - doing a bit of plastering maybe?”

“They don’t do things like that on my watch,” smiled Amy.