On the 21st Floor

It was a cloudless summer night. The black sky blanketed over Quezon City, pierced through by a glowing, white quarter moon. Jade normally would not even think of setting foot in a desolate, god-deserted area such as a building rooftop. Her newfound friend Althea was here, and it was the only reason she needed to, for once, saunter into unfurnished territory. She knew Althea was taking a break from the crowd, only which crowd it was, she could not tell.

"Hey."

Althea shot back defensively, not expecting company. Her face softened at the sight of Jade.

You look like you were bothered by my display of affection with my boyfriend.

Jade kept herself from wording what was on her mind. Althea looked away, held her head up and shut her eyes tight as she quickly took a gulp from her cocktail glass like a bitter dose of medicine. The alcohol would numb her conflicted heart enough to have the courage to ask, "Would you like to see the view?"

Jade's own heart jumped a little. The experience was promising, and she liked sightseeing and the sense of freedom it entailed. But this, standing by the edge as Althea was? It was too uncomfortable, too far from what she knew to be familiar. She had an instinctual desire to dart back to the club they had come from, where the tiled floors and the unvarying air-conditioned circumstances were her domain.

"I'm afraid that I can't take another step closer to you as I'm afraid of heights."

Althea read her eyes and saw the same panic her pet dog sometimes had when strangers came into her apartment, including her two best friends. It warmed up to them when it figured the two would be there every other day. She caught herself and smiled with the comparison to Jade.

"It'll be fine," Althea encouraged as she strode to fetch Jade. "Come on!"

The warm, humid breeze gently wrapped Jade's face, easing her anxiety. She thought it would be okay, but the habit of panic was stubborn. The distance from where they were to where they may be blown towards when the wind becomes fickle – Jade knew deep down that her worst-case scenario was unfounded. She took a hesitant step closer to the girl who beckoned her.

"I mean, when I ride airplanes, as you know sometimes my family goes out of town for business or travel or family abroad or such, I have to take sleeping pills to drop like lead in a second, as I can't stand watching or even peripherally noticing that the seat I'm seatbelted on is gradually lifting to death-defying heights!" Jade blurted this out quickly without mid-breath, taking her focus into her thoughts and out of what she was about to get into. This was the first time Althea saw this level of restlessness from her, and for a moment, she too felt a surge of panic at the realness of fear in one's head.

Althea breathed deeply as she locked her eyes with Jade's. She laid her hand out, her own mind racing. You will take the plunge, Jade. And as Jade in return held her hand tightly, she felt the cold, clammy palms and the responsibility of Jade's trust towards her.

"It will be okay. Believe me."

Jade took dainty, careful steps, as though the ground might crack open. A brief memory came across her, that of childhood cartoons with pirates and their unwitting victims forced to walk the plank to shark-filled waters, that this was probably how the stowaways felt. Althea continued to grab her hands and guided her to the corner where the view was best. Jade's eyes were still glued shut. Althea giggled at this, and Jade recognized that the circumstance she'd put herself into (and was pressured into, no doubt), although frightening, was the most fun she was having that day.

"You're doing great. You can do this! All right!"

Did Jade want this? Did Jade willingly let her friend lead her to what she could term now as a point of no return? The answer, Jade knew, was yes on both accounts.

"If you could just be open, you'll see the world from a different perspective."

Althea was leading her to a state of affairs she normally actively avoided. Althea simply had a knack for bringing out the repressed side of Jade, that of the pursuit of reckless abandon. In this case, all she needed was a little persistent urging. Althea was putting all her effort into insisting for her, and Jade adored this.

"Now, open your eyes."

Jade did as she was told. Her heart pounded as though the music from the club beside them was emanating from inside her. A view from a high place was a spot she'd long desired to be on, but never given the necessary attention. Were there also other desires she had long buried?

Panic attacks are an underrated fear of life-crippling proportions -- Jade discussed to herself -- the causes of which she'd always attributed to having been born with them. Ideas shifted and coalesced in the abstract space in her head, as an understanding was starting to form within her. An image of her father surfaced from its depths for a second. Jade let it sink back; now was the time to be present for another.

She turned to Althea, who beamed at her reassuringly.

"It's not so bad, is it?"

Jade supposed it wasn't. Nothing devastating was happening. Standing sixty-five meters above ground with the perimeter ledge as the only mode of safety was like any other landlocked situation. Althea was beside her on the corner of the roof deck, holding her hand. Jade knew she would occasionally still wince in high places in other days, but through these, she would be wearing this memory with Althea as an amulet of fearlessness. Conquering traumas, after this, should be a cinch.

Jade had calmed down from the initial jolt of excitement. She took in the view beyond them. The mid-rise buildings flanked around them had multiple specks of lit rooms, and the streets were generously airbrushed with evenly-spaced orange highlights. On the ledge was the glass of cocktail Althea left for Jade. The glass loomed over the half-awake city like its ruler. Althea and herself were then, by association, queens -- if only for the night.

Thank you, Althea, for bringing me into this experience was what she could say. Let's do this again tomorrow! was another. Instead she spoke, "So how does it feel like to reign over our towering subjects?"

Althea gave a hearty laugh. She was then only beginning to find Jade's occasional quirky thoughts very cute. "Wha-at?"