My Ordinary Diary

Kill me

8/2/2015

1:08

Same day same everything.

Same fights, same loneliness, same expectations, same boredom, same everything.

Expectations, are what i think bring everyone to their knees, for the last blow. Expectations to be perfect, do everything correctly, everyone says you are perfect the way you are, but do they really mean that. Why would they put expectations, labels, put you down if you were perfect. Is there really a meaning to perfect?   

I like anime, so what? Everyone thinks it was an escape, but you don't truly like escapes, you just use them. I believe drawing, and writing are my escapes, but i question how long they will last. How long with i last?

My mom and i got into fights again, same shit shoving me to my knees. And here i thought mothers were supposed to keep you going, stay there next to you, but seems that's not the case, at least not for me. You would think that physical hurts more then mental. All the lies, you act like they don't hurt, but secretly they break you. "If you fucking break that, i will kill you.""You sister would get this done in an hour, not 10." Those things drive you insane, but you're too scared of showing it.

I remember, that everyday i would call my friends to see how they were doing. i remember... i don't even remember what i remember. What its like, people being there for me, what its like to have friends, that fuzzy feeling that makes you so happy. I remember making a promise that me and me and my friend would go to collage together, we would always be together, but now i know that she will forget about me before keeping the promise. I cant even talk to them, they wont answer anything, i don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore.

All i know is when i was fighting with my mom was that i wish she met a better man, so i wouldn't be alive here. Please someone just kill me.

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Special Thanks to crazy-sandy and MadTown11380 for helping me with my story!!!!!