Scars II

Alternate Universe

 As the title of this chapter hints, this one-shot will be an AU of Cloud Chaser. Of course, it's in her POV.
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 I stared at myself in the mirror, scowling at my hair. Too long. And then there was my lips; too girly. My nose was too girly. Everything about me was. My chest... I wish I didn't have those. I've been binding with tape and ace bandages. I know that it's bad, but I wasn't ready to tell my parents yet. I was more masculine than feminine; not like anyone would really notice. 

 I debated on using the razor near my laptop on my skin. What for? Nothing. Fucking Nothing and I hated it. So many people had true reasons to be depressed. Me? I'm just trapped in the wrong body and I'm depressed about it. Stupid reason, I know. I'm alone in my family. I'm the only transgender. I hate it when people classify everyone with a certain gender. I'm supposed to be a male, not a female. Why was a born this way?

 "Cloud, come out. Everyone's here," Mom's voice was muffled by the closed door. I sighed, wiping away a stray tear. 

 "Yeah. I'm coming." I opened the door. Magenta eyes met blue, and immediate concern filled Mom's eyes. 

 "You're not ok. What's wrong, Cloud?" 

 "Nothing, Mom, I'm fine." I brushed it off and walked past her. I felt a hand at my shoulder.

 "No. I told you about my life and how I felt, Cloud. I know depression. Is there anything you want to talk about?" I pondered on the thought. I wasn't ready to tell anyone yet. Stardust. I could only tell her for now. I trusted her with it. I know that I should tell my parents first, but... I didn't seem ready. No, I wasn't ready yet.

 "No, but thanks." I lied and flashed a fake smile before walking downstairs to greet everyone. It was Friday. Our little get together night with friends.

 "Cloud!" Black Ice immediately jumped up to hug me. I smiled, for him, and hugged him back. 

 "I literally just saw you yesterday, Ice."

 "So? You're my fav-" He swallowed when his eyes met Blue Bell's. 

 "It's fine, Cloud," Bell grinned to reassure him. Ice turned around to look at Thunder. 

 "I already know my partner for the games!" I was lucky to have everyone in my life. Lucky, but ungrateful. I'm worried about my gender. I'm ungrateful for the life I already have. I don't... Deserve this life.

 "Star, come upstairs with me, please? You guys go ahead and start, I'll be back in a minute." Tears began to cloud my vision as I walked back up the stairs. I was too afraid to end my life, but I needed to.  I didn't want to bother anyone anymore. I had to stay strong though. For Bell, Ice, Apple Note, everyone.

 "You're crying, Cloud," Stardust stepped closer to me and hugged me tightly. "What's wrong?"

 "Everything. Everything's wrong. I'm not supposed to be here, Star. I'm not.. I'm not a girl." I gripped the bottom of my shirt and turned away from Star. 

 "Oh." I sighed at her response. 

 "Yes, oh. I'm a male. I'm just trapped in the wrong body, Star. I trust you with this. It's just getting so hard to keep it a secret. I-I don't deserve this life. I'm ungrateful..." I could feel the tears falling now. Feelings were difficult. 

 "Hey, stop crying, Cloud. It'll be ok. And please don't say that. You do deserve this life. I'm always here for you, I promise." She hugged me once again and kissed my cheek gently. "I'm guessing that you've been binding?" 

 "Uh, yeah. In an unsafe way..." I wiped away the tears.

 "Hmm. Let's go out and buy you a proper binder. Maybe something else?" I smiled at her and kissed her gently. 

 "Thank you. So much." 

 "It's really no problem." Star said gently, walking downstairs.

 "We'll be back later, guys. Have fun!" I waved, trying to avoid questions.

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 "To be honest, the guy clothes are so much better." I rolled my eyes as I looked at the clothes meant for a girl. Most of the clothes in this store made girls look like total sluts. 

 "Of course you would think that. Well, now that I look at the clothes here..." Stardust trailed off.

 "Yeah," The word seemed forced. 

 "Just pick out whatever you want to wear and I'll buy it." She smiled, letting go of my hand. 

 "Thanks." I walked over to the correct section and looked through the clothes. Star had helped me pick out a few things. 

 I stared at the mirror while trying on an outfit. Everything from the waist down looked fine. But when it came to the shirt? It was strange looking. Too tight on my chest.

 "Uh, Star?" I tugged on the shirt a little bit with annoyance.

 "Yeah?" 

 "Can you get a size bigger for the shirts? Too tight in a certain place." I ignored the sudden heat in my face. I disliked talking about things like this.

 "Sure thing."
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 "So you went shopping, we see." Rarity smiled kindly at us. 

 "We did, yes." Star returned her smile.

 "Can we see what you got?" Mom leaned back in her seat, pausing the game. I tensed up slightly before feeling Star's hand on my shoulder. Mom would be ok with it. I'm sure she would. There would be no problems... Mom understood.

 "Can you come up to my room?" I hesitantly left Star's side, carrying the bags upstairs. Mom nodded and stood up to follow me. Calm down, Cloud. You've got this. 

 "Mom. I'm," I breathed in, trying to control myself. "I-I'm- Fuck, I'm sorry." 

 "Cloud, you can tell me anything. Just breathe alright? You don't have to force yourself to tell me anything though." Her hand gently landed on my shoulder. The walls seemed like they were closing in on me and my chest tightened up. I couldn't speak, I couldn't breathe. 

 "Mom, I'm not a girl," The words were forced. They sounded fake, but they were real. So real. "I'm a guy. I'm just trapped in the wrong body." 

 "You're transgender?" Mom was relaxed and calm about it, which kind of surprised me.

 "Yes. Please accept that, Mom?" 

 "Of course I accept it. I accept you. There's nothing wrong with you," She stood on her toes to kiss the top of my head. "Getting too tall." 

 "Mother should know too. Thank you, Mom." I rubbed the back of my neck nervously, smiling. "I guess I took more after Mother when it came to that." 

 "I'll be sure to tell her. Hopefully Bell will be like me so I won't be the shortest person in the house," Mom laughed lightly. 
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The day that I turned eighteen, everyone had showed up to support me. I would have surgery today. I'd be my true self. I'd be confident and happy with my body. After the bullies at school were taken care of, everyone had accepted me, surprisingly. I didn't expect any of this. 
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 I apologize if this is inaccurate to how it feels to be transgender or coming out as transgender. I've always been fine with my gender, so I wouldn't really know much. I've asked my trans friend (Female to male) what they felt like and based it off that. I also did some research. Thanks for reading! Means a lot!
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~Tommie