Rumblings

Courage

She knew what she had to do.

She had to gather up her courage and tell him.

But what would she say? He wouldn't understand. He had never been in her shoes. He was always away at work so he craved more time with family, not less.

How could she adequately portray that she loved them, needed them, couldn't imagine life without them, yet she needed to be alone. Completely and fully alone for a few days. Radio silence. No contact.

Just her and her thoughts and maybe, just maybe, she'll be able to find some inner peace. She'll be able to quiet the rumblings inside her that threatened to erupt very soon.

But what would she say? How could she tell him without hurting him?

He would assume she doesn't love him, or that she doesn't enjoy his company, or that they've grown apart. But none of that was true. She knew her reassurance would fall on deaf ears.

She'd had this conversation with herself so many times this past year. It always ended with her being more sure that she needed time alone, and less confident on how to approach him.

Maybe her problem was she wanted it all. She wanted the married-with-children-life but also the single life. Not so she could sleep around; she felt she could never be with anyone other than him. She loved him too much, and in her eyes, no man could ever measure up to him.

She just wanted freedom. She craved freedom.

She felt the pressure of invisible restraints tightening around her neck each day, threatening to choke her. The restlessness jittering about inside of her; it was only a matter of time before she could contain it no more.

She had to tell him. She didn't know how yet, but she knew that she had to tell him.