Why Him?

ChapterOne

My phone rang. The screen said it was John. I answered.  

"Hel..." 

I was cut off. 

"He's dead Callie! My father is dead! He's...he's gone!" John sobbed. 

"It's ok, shh shhh it's ok. He's in a better place now." I said in the most soothing voice I could. 

"Callie I need to see you now."  

"Ok come over."

In no time at all John pulled into my driveway. He scooped me into a hug, and his tears started to flow uncontrollably. We sat in a heap on my porch. I've never seen John this upset. It was about six p.m. On a Saturday. John told me he got the call about his father less than 30 minutes ago. He was in a car accident on his way home. John sat with his head on my shoulder and I stroked his soft, brown hair. We had gone into the house, and were now sitting on my couch. He sat up and looked at me with his sad, chocolate colored eyes. He tilted my chin to the side and we shared the most passionate, emotion filled kiss I'd ever had.

John Landon.  

Everyone in my small town knew his name. He was a junior at my school, and had gotten a friend of mine in my freshman class pregnant. News that big spreads like wild fire around here. 

Candy was now about 7 moths along. She dumped John when she found out she was expecting, that's when John and I started talking. We are really  

Close friends and he tells me everything. From his alcoholic mother, to how much he loved Candy. John was gorgeous with his brown hair that was always perfectly styled, big brown eyes with thick black lashes, and his perfectly sculpted muscles. He was also very tall and very smart. He doesn't have many friends, which I don't understand because he seems like the type of person who would. But since Candy left him, I'm really the only person besides his dad that he talks to.

THE FUNERAL

The funeral was three days later on a dreary Sunday morning. John asked me to come for support. When I got there John immediately walked up to me and grabbed my hand. His mother was very drunk and making a scene, he let his uncle handle her. When the preacher started speaking, he put his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. His face was emotionless the entire service. As soon as Mr. Landon was lowered into the ground we left.  

"Callie thank you for being here for me, it means so much." 

"That's what friends are for, no thank you necessary." John had driven us into the woods. I looked up at him with a confused expression. When he parked he killed the truck and just sat there with both his hands on the steering wheel. "John?" Silence. I touched his arm and he snapped out of his thoughts. He leaned over and kissed my neck, then my cheek then, my lips. He looked to the back seat, and we moved. He motioned for me to turn around. He unzipped my tight black dress and I slid it the rest of the way off. He pulled me to him and kissed me again. He took off his shirt revealing his perfect abs, suddenly I felt self conscious. I unbuckled his belt, and he lightly pushed me down, and shimmied off my lacy undies. My heart was racing were we about to...have sex? "John.."  

"Callie I'm going appreciate you the only way I know how."  

"Bu.." He silenced my worries by pushing inside of me. This was really happening, wasn't it?

THE NEXT NIGHT

John had been texting me all day and I didn't answer. I was confused. I loved him, but I knew he could never love me. If he did it would always be less than Candy and soon, his little girl.  

It was late and I was about to go to bed, when I heard my window open. I spun around and John was standing there. "Why won't you answer my texts?" He looked sad, and worried.  

I sighed. "Im sorry I'm really confused about yesterday. I can't do that with you anymore, not without a commitment." He walked across the room and hugged me. "Callie I love you, but I'm not ready for a relationship. You of all people should understand that." 

I did understand. So I stood on my tip toes and kissed him, my way of apologizing for ignoring him. I got on my bed and patted the spot beside me. He sat and I lay my head on his shoulder. "Stay the night with me."  

So, of course, he did. I lay there for hours with his muscular arm over me and his heavy breathing on my back. It was comforting, him being there. I turned over and looked at his peaceful, sleeping face. Why didn't I tell him I loved him back?  

"John Lucas Landon, I love you." I whispered. His eyes popped open. "I love you too Callie, now go to sleep it's late."  

I pushed myself as close to him as I could, and he grabbed my hand. I finally let sleep wash over me. 

When I woke up it was about 5 a.m.  

It was time to get ready for school. I lifted John's arm off of me and got in the shower. I heard John open the bathroom door. "Callie can I shower here?"  

"Yeah." I wasn't expecting him to get in the shower with me! "What are you doing?!" 

"Saving water." He said with a wink. I had to laugh at that. I heard my mom walking down the hall, so I shushed John. "Callie I'm headed to work, I'll bring dinner home tonight."  

"Ok mom I love you."  

I'm an only child, and I live with my mother, who is a workaholic. She is usually not here in the mornings at all. 

John pushed me against the shower wall and started kissing my neck. "John"  

"Hmm" was his reply. "I was serious, no commitment, no sex."  

"Callie it's either sex with you, the girl I love, or some random girl I don't know."  

I kissed him giving him his answer. He didn't love me, not really, but I loved him.