MaNan: It was love

Part ten

If anything that hurts most then it is love. Love can be anything. It is complicated, it is beautiful, it is hard, it is soft, it is rebellious, it is lots of things. But most of all love is pain. Pain that I can feel right now. I don't know but I'm at crossroads. I don't know which path to take. Falling in love is easy but falling out of love is worse. Can we just fall out of love? Is it possible when the love is true? Last five years has proven I can never stop loving Manik but will I be able to love him again with the passion I had before and love... well it demands passion. Do I still have that kind of passion in me?
Nancy always used to say that I wasn't able to stop loving Manik only because I didn't give any one else a chance to be close to me. Is it true? Should I really give someone else a chance but I can clearly see Manik still loves me. Can I give him that kind of pain? But this is what he opted for, five years back too. He gave up our love for someone else.
My head is bursting with sudden questions that are arising in my mind.
Damn I really need to focus. I chose to come back for my career and come what may, I'll only focus on my career.
My train of thoughts were disturbed by chachi.
Chachi said,"Nandini why are you sitting here alone? All your friends are enjoying outside!"
I can trust chachi. She has always supported me in every decision. I said without any hesitation,"I don't know chachi. I..I'm at crossroads. I don't know what to do. At times I always think I should leave it all on my fate but it has never been in my favour. I don't know chachi but one thing that I know is I don't want this. I want to be certain as to what I should do."
Chachi caressed my hair in a motherly way. She said,"I know Nandu you've gone through a lot and the other thing I know is Manik loves you. I don't want you to take any decision for him this time, I want you to think about yourself this time Nandu. At times there are questions you can not figure out but you know there's a power called God who always have an answer to all your questions. Nandini there's a dargah in Nizamuddin. People say that there one get answers for all their unanswered questions. You should go there."
I smirked. I said,"chachi I don't believe in god anymore. He has taken away everything from me."
Chachi said,"Nandini for once go there. You'll find peace. Trust me."
I nodded. It was around six. I googled about this place. It says there is very cheerful atmosphere there on thursday evenings with lots of quwwali being sung around in the dargah lawns. May be it isn't a bad idea. I quickly changed into traditional clothes. Its necessary to cover hair at such places.
I went out and said,"guys I'll be back in an hour. I've got some important work."
I noticed Manik wasn't around. Cabir said,"Manik has gone out for some work. He'll be back."
I nodded.
I went out and took chacha's car. After sometime I was walking through the lawns of the dargah where people were asking me to buy a chaadar so that I can offer it there. One certain old man came up to me and said,"child God will show you the right path. Remember always- love is what God taught, always follow love. Take this."
He offered me a ribbon to tie in the dargah lawn and make a wish. I looked at him. I said,"I'm sorry uncle I can't keep this. I don't want to hurt your feeling but I'm not a Muslim and this ribbon is tied by Muslims."
He laughed at this. Then he said," child always remember one thing
Krishna wasn't hindu
Jesus wasn't Christian
Buddha wasn't Buddhist
Muhammad wasn't Muslim
They were TEACHERS of LOVE.
Love was their religion."
I was mesmerised with his words. I took the ribbon from him and tied it in the lawn. I prayed in my mind,"People say that you answer everyone's questions, you show them the right path. God! I'm stuck and I don't know what to do, please show me the right way."
I smiled. Chachi was right, there is something about this place that makes me want to stay here. This place makes me calm. I proceeded further and saw on the main lawns some people were singing quwwali. The music was soothing, everything made me smile. I was so lost in the atmosphere that I didn't notice where I was walking. I bumped in to someone.
I looked up and said,"Manik!"
What was Manik doing here? He has never believed in God then what is he doing here. I looked at him, he was looking embarrassed as if he was reading my mind. I didn't ask anything. We looked at each other. He said,"come I'll take you back."
I shook my head in a no. He looked at me questioningly. I said,"I brought chacha's car."
He nodded. He took out his phone and made a call. He said,"yeah driver. Take the car back. I'll meet you at mr. Murthy's place."
He disconnected the call and said,"lets go."
I said,"I never offered you any ride!"
He said,"Nandini do we have to debate on everything? I'm just trying to be good. I remember your words I won't push you to be back."
May be I'm over reacting a bit. I can at least be polite to him. I said," sorry! Come lets go."
We walked out of the dargah. He pulled up the hood of his sweatshirt so that people don't recognise him. It was rishabh's sweatshirt I guess. I recognise that. He was looking forward and I was looking at him. He just looked like a normal guy then, not the rockstar Manik. The normal guy I fell in love with. I slid my one arm around his arm. He looked at me in shock. I said,"Manik can we take it like slowly? I..I..I don't know how long will it take me to overcome my pain but I'll try. Can we be friends?...again!"
He gave me his big smile. I swear he looks so good when he smiles. His smile is my favourite thing in this whole world. He said,"Nandini I promise I won't make you regret this decision."
I smiled at him. When we reached the car he sat in the passenger seat I started driving. He asked me,"Nandini when did you start driving?"
I answered,"when I was in London."
He then asked me another question,"Nandini when do you start drinking alcohol?"
I answered,"Manik its really cold in London so in order to deal with the cold we used to sometimes drink alcohol. Over the years I started having alcohol regularly but in limits."
He asked me another question,"Nandini how come you know how to play guitar? You didn't know when you were here."
I said,"Manik I was in music college in London. They taught me many things. I know how to play many other instruments too."
He then asked me another question,"Nandini you've got such a huge and pretty house in London. How did you manage to buy such an expensive house just in five years?"
God! What's with him today? Why is he asking so many questions? I anyway answer him. I said,"Manik that house is my father's. My parents were kind of well off and when I turned eighteen they gave me all my parent's property and their bank accounts were unsealed too."
He then asked me one more question,"Nandini your dressing style has also change! Actually it has changed a lot. Why did you change it?"
OH GOD! What's wrong with him.
I said irritatedly,"Manik. What's wrong with you? Why are you asking so many questions? I'm here for long I can answer them some other time."
He right then said,"Nandini what if you won't be? What if you leave again? What if you don't tell me about it again? So I want to utilise every second of it."
Ohhh. Well..!!! He just made a point here but his constant questions were irritating me. So to quieten him down I said,"Manik what were you doing in dargah? I thought you don't believe in god."
As I expected he was silent after this. For next twenty minutes there was silence in car. We reached home. I was just unbuckling the seat belt when Manik said,"Nandini about your dargah question."
I looked up at him, he was looking past me in some far distance. He continued,"Nandini when you went away I was shattered. I tried every possible way to search you.  For two years I searched for you. I used to go to chacha chachi's place every day but chachi wouldn't tell me anything. I respected her decision. Also I didn't want to disturb her much because of the mistake I did. I stopped going to your place after sometime. Two years ago I came to delhi. By then I've tried every possible way to search you but I couldn't. Someone then told me about this dargah that if you tie a ribbon there and ask for something, your wish will be fulfilled. Though I didn't believe in such things but at that time I was at such a point that I was ready to try anything to know where you were. I tied a ribbon there asking god to get you back. So today I went there to thank him for getting you back here."

The guy who never has believed in God, had visited a dargah and prayed to God just for me. I had tears in my eyes and before they start flowing out of my eyes I patted a little on his hand and rushed out. I ran towards home.

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A/N
I'm sorry guys to keep you waiting. Last few days have been really tiring. I hope you liked this part.
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Thank you for all the love you've shown towards this ff.

Love and hugs
Sasha