Sigh, Alaska: a short story novel

Daphne Reynolds

It was the longest year of Daphne's life, but she was finally free. Standing in the living room of Lacy's one bedroom apartment, Daphne finally felt like her life was back on the right path. Freedom was a Godsend, a blessing and just a little bit of a curse. She would have to start over now, but at least she had the opportunity. At least she had escaped with her life.

It was late August, and Daphne was lying in bed, napping, after Max had used her body for his own gratification again. It wasn't that she was used to the pain and humiliation, or even succumbed to accepting it as her fate; she was just so damn tired all the time, she couldn't bring herself to care. The part of her that was still coherent worried that the birth control she fought so hard for had stopped working, but that part of her couldn't pull out of the quagmire of her depression.

Daphne hadn't worked since April, since she found out she was pregnant. When she miscarried later in May, she thought maybe she'd work up the courage to ask Max if she could go back to work.

He chained her to the bed for two weeks as a response, and didn't even let her use the bathroom. Chained to her mess, Daphne vowed she would break free from him the moment he let her go. Max couldn't keep her chained to the bed forever, right?

When he released her from her bondage, she knew running immediately would only cause her more trouble. The doubts of her clean escape started clouding her mind. He would always find her. Didn't he say that all the time? There was no place she could hide, he would always be right behind.

So, Daphne bided her time. June rolled around and along with it, Lacy's birthday. Daphne was anxious to finally leave the house and see her friend. They weren't going to do much; see that new Disney movie and maybe grab some coffee. It felt like forever since Daphne and Lacy had seen each other; surely too long for best friends to be apart. Max had not let Lacy visit since April, but Max would not be in town this particular day.

Or at least, that's what Daphne believed. Daphne met with Lacy and wanted to tell her everything that happened since they last saw each other. Instead, Lacy went on about her new boyfriend, "Mike's just the greatest. Well, I mean, yesterday he broke my phone when he stopped in because I didn't call him back, but like, I was at work. What does he want? So now, he's going to buy me one of those touch screen ones. I'm so lucky, right?"

"Maybe you should be careful with him. I mean, if he's going to break your phone just because you didn't call him back, that's not right. Isn't that one of those signs of abusive spouses?" Daphne asked, idly picking at some fuzz on her blue sweater.

"I can handle him, don't worry about it." Lacy rolled her eyes at Daphne. "Besides, you wanna talk abusive boyfriends, how come I never see or hear from you anymore? I was shocked you even called to go to this movie, even though it is my birthday."

"You think Max is abusing me?" Daphne pondered, and tried to laugh it off. "He's about as harmful as a chipmunk."

"A chipmunk with rabies, maybe."

Daphne looked down at the table as the shame of letting someone touch her, the way Max did crawled up her neck. "I thought you liked Max. He told me how you helped him set up that Valentine's Day surprise."

"Yeah, well, if I knew two weeks later I'd never see you again I wouldn't have been so keen to help him out." Lacy sighed. "You know you can always come to me for help if you need it, right? It's just the two of us, and we gotta take care of each other out here. Anytime, day or night if you call I will be there. Got it?"

Daphne nodded and struggled to keep her tears from flowing. It was hard these days to control her emotions what with the hormones, abuse, and depression. Reaching across the table, she squeezed Lacy's hand. "I'm so glad I met you."

Lacy smiled back. "I'm glad I met you, too."

That night, Daphne smiled as she unlocked the door and headed into her apartment. Lacy had just dropped her off, and Daphne could feel the clouds of darkness that shrouded her life start to let a few beams of sunlight in. Summers in Alaska are a glory to behold, everyone told her, and here it was, June, and she'd hardly been outside at all.

Maybe tomorrow she'd walk to the store and find a new book to read. Daphne hadn't read anything in a while, and discovered she missed holding a book in her hands, missed reading about characters whose lives were infinitely more interesting than her own. Less traumatic than her own. The door had barely closed behind her when a hand reached out, grabbed her throat in a painfully tight grasp and slammed her small body against the metal door behind her.

Daphne tried to gasp, her oxygen supply quickly disappearing through the sudden onset of fear. She looked up and saw Max, his eyes glassy and empty, as they had been too often of late. Even as she fought for breath she wondered if she had noticed his eyes before moving in, and if they looked then the way the look now, how she ever could have thought moving in with him was a good idea.

"Did you really think you could get away with it?" He snarled at her.

"Get- a...away with- with what?" She gasped in reply, choking a little on each word.

"You left me." His voice suddenly went soft, weak. His grip loosened on her throat and Daphne inhaled as deeply as she could, while she could.

"No, I just went to visit Lacy. It's her birthday." Daphne explained. Max let go entirely of her, and turned around.

"I came home and you're weren't here. What was I supposed to think?"

"I left a note, just in case you came back before you planned." Daphne walked over to the kitchen and pulled a note off the fridge. "See, its right here. It says, Max, I've gone to the movies with Lacy for her birthday. We're getting coffee afterwards. I will be home tonight." She held out the note for Max to examine.

He stood there, watching her. His gaze made her feel so uncomfortable, but she felt a little fission of pride or courage rise up in her. She wasn't alone. She could get away from this monster.

"I thought you promised me you wouldn't see Lacy again. I thought you lost her phone number."

Daphne glanced around the room. There was no way out of this lie, she thought glumly. "She's my best friend."

Max's hand nearly whistled as it sliced across the air and across Daphne's face. "I'm your best friend. I'm your only friend. She is nothing to you." His voice was quiet and harsh in her ear. His hand clenched around her hair and pulled her into the bedroom. "You just love getting punished, don't you?" He whispered in a low and vicious tone. Daphne thought it was probably his attempt at seductive, she knew when that voice came out of Max's little mouth, it was time to disappear into her "happy place".

Daphne's happy place was getting more and more grim as the days passed. At first, it was a utopia of English gardens in full bloom, roses in every shade of the rainbow and butterflies that were large enough to ride away on, high into the sky so she could touch the clouds that felt like cotton candy and tasted like even sweeter. After her pregnancy scare, the English garden looked more like a dilapidated garden, secret and hidden from view by all the over grown vines. Inside was a labyrinth that she would lose herself in, until she remembered it wasn't real. On this particular day, Daphne imagined an open desolate field with mountains off in the distance, alone, and herself sitting on a white wooden rocking horse that went back and forth to nowhere. As long as the horse rocked back and forth, whatever Max did to her wasn't real.

For weeks the Daphne rocked back and forth on the white wooden horse, the clouds getting darker, the mountains disappearing in the fog until it was just her and the horse. Back and forth, back and forth until that late August afternoon, Daphne was dozing in bed after Max had his way with her. It felt like slow motion, hearing the front door being knocked off its hinges, the yells and orders to put up one's hands. Daphne was torn from the bed, and frisked by two men in full black swat team suits, before being led outside, only a bed sheet to shield her modesty. She was led over to an EMT and tried to listen as young native woman explained that an anonymous call had been made to the local police about a dangerous serial rapist wanted in three states back east on at least twenty-nine various counts of assault.

As the woman flashed her eyes with a small light, Daphne could hear Max shouting to her, "What did you do? I'll get you for this! What did you do! You promised you would never leave me!" The swat team had him handcuffed and shoved him into a police cruiser where his words could no longer be heard.

A few days in a recovery room and a handful of anti-depression medication later and Daphne nearly felt back to normal. The trauma she experience wouldn't go away any time soon, she knew, but those rays of light she'd felt on Lacy's birthday seemed stronger to her now. Like maybe she hadn't lost out completely on an Alaskan summer. Even though it was only a couple of months, Daphne felt like she had been his prisoner for years.

Having to talk about every encounter she had with Max, to the police and again with a therapist was very difficult for her. Facing the anger and the bitter, bitter shame sometimes felt like more than she could bear. But with each retelling, even as Daphne felt her heart rip into pieces, she could also feel the healing begin which gave her the strength to continue.

She wasn't sure about moving in with Lacy when the hospital released her, but it wasn't like she had anywhere else to go. Even if Max had included her on the lease, there was no way she would stay a moment longer in that apartment. Going home seemed so anti-climatic at this point; plus her parents didn't need to know what she just survived. Let them believe a little longer that their only daughter was still as innocent and naïve as the day she left Minnesota nearly a year ago.

Lacy made Daphne feel right at home. The futon in the living room was set up for Daphne, with grass green sheets and a violet floral comforter and matching pillows. The first two weeks she slept in Lacy's bed, afraid to be alone. It didn't take too long for the first part of the adjustment, getting through the night and as fall turned into winter; it was like they'd been living together all summer as well. Late at night, Daphne and Lacy would tell each other secrets over popcorn with M&Ms and orange Fanta.

"I'm never having sex with men again." Daphne stated, then took a shot of vodka and chased it with orange soda.

"So you're all about the pussy, huh?" Lacy inquired, taking a shot and chasing it as well.

Daphne grimaced. "No pussy. No dick. Just no sex. It's not worth the hassle, you know? They just want to hurt me."

Lacy frowned at her friend. "I'm not going to agree, but I'm not going to argue. You have a pretty legit reason for uh, not going there. No one is telling you to allow that kind of vulnerability back into your life right now. But if you change your mind, I'm not going to hold it against you."

"You're not going to hold your pussy against me?" Daphne asked confused, and slightly amused.

Lacy rolled her eyes. "I mean, I guess if you really want my pussy. It is pretty spectacular you know. Breaks men all the time, my twat."

"Maybe that's what I need. A twat that turns men into blubbering babies." Daphne pulled out two cigarettes and lit them both with a lighter on the table. She handed one to Lacy.

"No, what you need is someone who isn't an asshole to treat you like... like... dream-Seth was going to treat me. I know you think that shit isn't real, but for two magical hours after he proposed, I felt it. It was real, and I fucked it up. That's my problem. Someone like that though, is out there and waiting just for you. And when you're ready, you two will meet up. Until then, just relax and get back to living life. You know?"

"That guy doesn't exist, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to at least keep my options open, right?" Daphne shrugged, and took another drag of her cigarette. "Speaking of Seth, have you spoken to him lately? Maybe you should give him a call. If your love is as true as you thought it was, maybe it's time to give it another try."

Lacy sighed and gestured with her cigarette. "And risk having my heart crushed again?"

"Well what's the alternative? Burning through a host of men you don't even like that much to feel something that even remotely feels like what you think you felt with him? And still being rejected in the end?" Daphne lectured. Lacy threw a handful of popcorn at her. "You let yourself be vulnerable to him once. If it's real, you'll find a way back to each other, right?"

Most nights Lacy went to bed, Daphne would stay up and watch out the window for any sign that Max might return. She knew it was crazy, and mostly she felt safe in that second story apartment with a secured entrance, but some part of her wanted to see him again. Remind herself he was real, and he nearly destroyed her.

Just a few weeks after moving in with Lacy, she turned on the morning news with her cup first cup of coffee and cigarette. The news anchor stood outside the local jail and spoke about a fight that escalated until two inmates were killed in the brawl. That was the last time Daphne ever saw Max's face. Sleep came easier to her after that morning.

Daphne found a job as a sales rep at a downtown store that specialized in beauty products. Each day she greeted her customers with her charming smile and upbeat attitude and exceptional knowledge on all the products the store carried, and they remembered her when they came back. After just a few weeks, she had her own following which was rare considering the occupation. Her customers had no idea how hard earned her best assets were. After just a few weeks, several people would ask for her by name, and if she wasn't on duty they would come back later when she was. Management was very impressed by her skills and let her know when her first bonus check came in.

The day before Thanksgiving, she was surprised but excited to see the new guest who would be sharing the holiday with her and Lacy.

"Welcome back, Seth. It's good to see you again!" Daphne smiled genuinely at his face. She considered hugging him, but didn't make a step forward. Maybe she wasn't ready for physical contact just yet. His brown eyes sparkled from the extra glass of champagne Lacy had plied him with.

Lacy wrapped her arms around Seth and laid her head on his shoulder. "We're going to do things right this time, right?"

"No matter how ugly the fight, we'll always make up. We'll always come home to each other." Seth promised.

Daphne laughed at her friends. "You guys. Good luck. You're gonna need it!" She always thought that people were inherently good. This last year surely tested her beliefs in that ideal. Watching her best friend and her love together though, rekindled Daphne's hope for a future filled with love and kindness. Until then, she was happy.

Heading into the kitchen, she poured herself a glass of wine and looked around the small one bedroom apartment. This time last year, she thought she was grown, messing around with Howard and Kevin. Coming back to the Northern Lights Hostel at all hours of the day and night, wasted and depressed. So much life happened during last winter. So many memories, so many mistakes. Other than Lacy and Seth, would she see any of her old friends again? Maybe that was just the nature of hostel living.

It didn't seem like so long ago that was living under the thumb of that snake Max. He charmed her all right, and nearly crushed the life out of her after they moved in together. Daphne knew she would never be so naïve again; it was a hard lesson to learn, but she felt good about not repeating past mistakes. She asked the police and even Lacy if they knew who made the anonymous tip that led to his arrest, but neither had any names to give her. Still, Daphne wondered about Lacy's part in it. She was always a little more curious than a reckless person ought to be.

Out the window, Daphne saw the telltale glow of the streetlamps that always turned a little brighter and a little softer when it started to snow. It was her favorite color, the sky at night lit by the amber glow of streetlights and snow. Walking closer, she watched as the snow rained down in sheets, and drift sideways. No better time to start over, she thought, as a new layer of snow covered the frozen ground.