The Boy with the Guitar

His Name is Chris Cerulli

Ricky:

**2 weeks later**

I hate loving Chris. I'm supposed to be in love with Gabriel. I mean, I am in love with Gabriel, but ever since I realized I have feelings for Chris, I can't focus on Gabriel. I can't kiss him without thinking I wish I could kiss Chris like this. I can't hug or cuddle him without thinking I wish Chris would hold me like this. I can't listen to him say "I love you" without wishing Chris would say that to me. I'm not even one hundred percent sure I'm in love with Chris. Or Gabriel for that matter. I'm just kind of stuck in between loving Chris and loving my actual boyfriend. And that's becoming a problem. Especially because Gabriel gets so jealous. I'm sure he's onto me.

"Ricky," says Gabriel. "I need to talk to you." Fantastic.

"Sure." I can tell by the tone of his voice that it's something serious, so as soon as we get outside I light a cigarette to calm myself down. "What's up?"

"Okay, look. I know that I get jealous really easily and quickly. And I know that whenever you hang out with another guy I question you. Even though I trust you completely." Please don't let him ask about Chris. I'm not that good at lying. But I guess if it can spare his feelings, I can try my best. "But Ricky, this time it feels different. I mean, this isn't like when you just went out to lunch with Angelo on Fridays. For three months. Still kind of skeptical about that one. Anyways. Ricky, you act...different. When you're with Chris." God fucking dammit why does this have to be about Chris? I don't want to talk about him. "You two have been going out for breakfast most mornings, I know you talk to him late at night, you just spend so much time with him. I can't help but feel like there's something going on between you two."

"Babe, there's nothing going on," I say, grabbing his hands and looking up into his eyes to make it more believable. I guess it's not completely untrue. There isn't anything between us. That would mean the feelings would have to be mutual, but they're not. It's just me having feelings for Chris. "I only love you, Gabey. No one else. I don't like Chris that way." I take a long drag on my cigarette to distract myself from having to lie to Gabriel. I don't like lying to him but I can't just say 'oh yeah I think I'm in love with him.' This would be much easier if he didn't get jealous. "We're not doing anything behind your back. I promise you that. I don't have feelings for him, I see him as nothing more than a friend. A close friend, sure, he's great. But nothing more than that. You are the one that I love. I don't like Chris. Not in that way."

Chris:

"I don't like Chris. Not in that way." Ricky's words rang in my skull, echoing and repeating again and again. "I don't like Chris. Not in that way." "I don't like Chris. Not in that way." "I don't like Chris. Not in that way." I knew he didn't. Why did that hurt me so much? I knew Ricky would never like me and he was nothing but my friend. But I still want him. I need him. I need Ricky. I've never been so in love with somebody in my life. When the tour is over and we get home, I don't want to be away from Ricky. I know I'll get to spend time with him because he's decided to join the band, but I'm spending so much time with him now that being away from him for any long period of time is going to hurt. I need Ricky and I need him now.

Ricky kisses Gabriel to apologize and I can't look. I pull out my phone and go on Twitter to distract myself from the heartbreak of Ricky confirming that he doesn't have feelings for me.

Ricky:

**that night**

Chris pokes his head out of the curtains and smiles at me and Gabriel cuddling on the bench we use as a couch.