Look At Me Now

Chapter 19

When I woke up there was no sound, no smells, just a white light over my head blinding me. Stale oxygen worked its way through my body as I sat up. There was a sharp pain in my abdomen that made me cringe as I moved.

Once I was up I could see him standing across from me. His eyes were dark as they watched me. He was angry. He was tense and rigid as our eyes met. His arms were crossed and his lips were set in a stern frown. "You scared the hell out of me," he said after a few minutes. "I thought you were going to die."

"I know," the words barely came out; they were hoarse and almost inaudible when they did.

He picked up a paper cup from the corner of the dresser he was leaned against before bringing it to me. I drank the water from it greedily.

"Where am I?" these words were clearer.

"We're home," he replied. "This is the medical floor. You were brought to this room instead of the infirmary. I thought you might want some privacy when you woke up."

"Thank—"

"Don't." His voice was firm and final. "Don't thank me. Evelyn, you could have died. I did what I was supposed to do. You went off on your own and acted immaturely. I followed procedure and got you out alive. I have done nothing extraordinary. I am simply acting as a partner is meant to act."

I would be lying if I said his words didn't hurt me. "I'm sorry, Gabe."

He shut his eyes tightly before letting out a breath. "I told you not to go there. Why would you do something so reckless?"

"I honestly didn't think anything was going to happen," I whispered.

Before he could reply the door opened and Mr. Porter walked in, Jason at his heels. Gabriel took a step back from me, taking my cup with him. "Evelyn, what you did out there in the field was hazardous and nearly got you killed. I will not stand for such stupidity in the field. Therefore it is in everyone's best interest to suspend your involvement outside of these facilities. You will be working in the main offices. This also means your partnership with Gabriel is terminated. Gabriel, you will be receiving a new partner very shortly."

Gabriel nodded. "Yes, sir."

"As soon as you well again, Eve, you will begin working," Mr. Porter added. "Gabriel can escort you to your own room if you're feeling up to it."

I nodded eager to be in my own bed again. "Please."

"Then I'll leave you to get dressed," Mr. Porter said. "Have a good day, Evelyn."

Jason walked to my side after Mr. Porter left. "I'm glad you're alive, Eve. I was worried about you." He gave me a smile and squeezed my hand before walking out of the room.

There was a cold silence that polluted the air around me. "Gabriel," I began, gaining his attention. "How long was I out?"

"A week," he replied simply. "I'm going to wait outside."

After he was gone I dragged myself out of the bed. My feet hurt as they supported my weight on the cold floor. Getting across the room to my clothes was a challenge. My balance was shaky and my head was spinning a bit. My side and my leg hurt like hell.

My clothes were simply a pair of sweatpants and a white cotton t-shirt. I look in the full length mirror after getting dressed. The first thing I noticed was my hair; wild curls around my face, the once vibrant red was now dull and faded. There were dark circles that sat under my eyes. I looked like death; pale and tired. My appearance made me sick to my stomach.

"I'm done," I said stepping out of the room.

Gabriel, who was leaning against the wall, looked at me. "Come on then," he said, straightening his stance.

We walked in silence to the elevator and then to my room. It was a painful silence but I wasn't quite sure how to end it. There was an emotion I felt vibrating off him. It wasn't anger—not anger at all. It was disappointment. He was disappointed in me. I couldn't blame him.

"Your brother is dead," he said, jarring me out of my thoughts. "So are Paul and Kale."

I didn't know what to say at first. My baby brother was dead. My baby brother almost killed me. My baby brother. "M-my mom?" I asked, feeling a sting of tears. "What about my mom? Kyle said she wasn't well. What's going to happen to my mom?"

Gabriel hesitated then. "Clint is working it out."

"C-can I see her?" The tears were falling down my cheeks now.

"I don't know."

She's lost both children now. She's alone. "She needs to know I'm alive," I said. I stopped walking then. "She deserves to know I'm okay."

"There's nothing I can do, Eve," Gabriel replied.

"Stop it!" I said sharply. "Stop acting this way."

Gabriel turned to look at me then. "What?"

"I said stop it. I know that I fucked up—believe me I know. I am a complete idiot and you have every reason to hate me right now. But don't treat me like I never mattered to you. We were friends, Gabriel. Don't treat me like just any other recruit."

He tensed again. "You think I hate you?" he asked. I didn't reply. "Eve, I do not hate you. Am I pissed off? Absolutely. Do I think what you did was reckless? Of course. But, Eve, the thing you don't seem to understand is that I've lost too many people in this job. I can't stand to lose anyone else...I can't stand to lose you. You do matter to me, Eve, you do. But you almost died out there because you refused to take orders. Half of this job is taking orders, Eve. I didn't give them out because I thought you were a child or because I didn't trust you. I gave them out to keep you safe. You chose not to listen."

I hung my head. "I said I was sorry." My voice was low.

He put a hesitant hand on my shoulder. "I know you are and I wish that it was enough."

I pushed his hand away and wiped my eyes. "I can make it back to my room without you."

"Are you sure—"

"I want to be alone."

He nodded before turning and walking past me. I felt my heart sink as the sound of his footsteps faded.

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A/N

Hey guys,

So this chapter was kind of a filler chapter. I'm not fully sure where I want to go next with this. I'm in a writing mood recently (I've also been reading more books) which sort of sucks since I've started a new job and I'm about to go back to school (I will be very very busy in the next few weeks). But I'm writing when I can. 

I hope you're enjoying this. I feel like my writing has changed a bit--maybe gotten more detailed? I don't know.

Thanks for reading,

Jazz