Fallen

Therapy?

"Thimble May Dunellen, Lucinda will see you now!" I heard the receptionist yell from behind the desk. I was sitting in my therapist's office waiting to see mine. Her name was Lucinda Kamal. I have been seeing her for over two years now. Oh, I should probably introduce myself right? Hi, my name is Thimble Mae Dunellen. I am your average sixteen year old girl. I live in Sydney, Australia. My father has been very abusive since my mother left me when I was a young girl, which is the reason why I come to therapy. There was more but I don't really think it matters. My therapist thinks it does but it doesn't, at least in my mind it doesn't. She doesn't exactly help either. She is really nice to talk to and she does understand me but, she doesn't give good advice. She would say things like, "Sweetie, you just need to let the past be the past. Let go." Or things like, "Thimble, you should stop letting the past invade you. Think of the future. " It just got to be too much. "Each day I live, the pain consumes. What little sanity I have bloomed. Like walking in a cloud of fog, falling down, sinking into smog. Life just seems grim. I think on a whim interest lost in everything I do, but, what a life who really knew? Depressed to a fault, that all I see death just seems like the only way for me. A waste of time, I feel I am, but that's its nature, a full mind jam. I try and try to ease the pain. A fallen effort with no gain. Thoughts begin to eat away. Makes me want to end it today. Uncomfortable around others for the way I feel. I pray and wish this all wasn't real life just seems more like a prison. Caged, alone, an abomination raised. No one could ever understand why I would want my death sooner than planned. Its not something I want for me. But to end my suffering this is what has to be. So I write this all as I fall from grace. Down to this place, some barren waste. I know not how much longer I will last. But all I can do is pray that this will just pass. And on top of that my boyfriend cheats on me! He uses me and deceives me!" Was all I said to her. I just couldn't take all the lying and the games. Why can't I just have a normal life?