Rebel (Civil War Period)

Chapter 27..

Georgiana's P.O.V.

I was sitting in the kitchen of the Cullens' mansion, my back not touching the chair - the education I had received seemed to be in my bones, rock-steady and irrevocably. My gaze was wandering over the silent forest, knowing that somewhere out there was Jasper out hunting, along with several others. It was not this what occupied me, though; I was finishing with my life. This turned out harder than I would have thought; it was as if an unknown force was telling me to stay, to endure eternity hoping there would be something or someone improving it.

I had made my decision, however. I would keep to it.

"Bella." I said calmly when I noticed her entering.

"Georgiana." She replied with a nod. "I was wondering if you could tell me something..."

"I will most certainly try."

"How have you brought up the will to survive? How did you go on?"

I turned around to her. "Sit." I motioned towards the chair opposite me, then took a breath and thoughtfully said: "Philosophers are racking their brains over the meanings and purposes of life. What they don't know is that there is only one thing you have to know in life; Everything comes at a price. You have to be willing to pay that price, or, if you're not, then live with the consequences. I learned that the hard way. You don't have to - do not make the same mistakes I did, Bella."

"What mistakes did you make?" She asked, and it was obvious she did not believe me to have made any.

"I took too much for granted. I failed to see the consequences of my actions until it was too late. I loved my children so much, I wanted the very best for them so much that I am unable to now show them the slightest sign of affection..." I paused. "The legends you hear of in the history books are nowhere near the truth, that you have to understand. I was a Union general's daughter and loved a Confederate. The price I paid for that love was little at first; I just betrayed my family, but nobody came to harm - with a few exceptions. Then I got pregnant, and that's when my tough apprenticeship in the way of life started." I shook my head. "But you asked what made me hold on. After my husband had died, I was lifeless, and I would have probably joined him in death had it not been for our two children. I knew that no matter how torturous life was for me, they were of the utmost importance, and only they mattered to me. That's what made me fight for my husband's legacy, for my children's safety, for everything. When John and Felicity didn't need me anymore, it was already too late for my soul, and I had already become an empty shell, host to a shadow. I continued to exist, I neither lived, nor loved, and the suffering began to cease, taking the last bit of humanity from me." I did something very unusual then. I reached across the table and gently took Bella's hand, who looked rather shocked by my brutally honest story. "This will not happen to you, Bella. Neither will Renesmee live a life like my children had, watching her mother fade from them although being close, their father gone, they too losing grip on life, nor will you have to live a life like mine... All that will not be your fate. I will take care of that."

"You don't plan on surviving this." Bella seemed genuinely shocked, and I tried to remember how compassion felt. I couldn't.

"No, I do not. Trust me, it will be the best for all. I cannot stand my existence anymore, every new day is torture. I am pulling my children down with me into the abyss, I am wrecking lives wherever I go..." I shook my head. "It is time for me to go, and I will try win this battle in the process. You have a glorious future before you. You have a husband who loves you, a beautiful daughter, a loving family. Do not ever make the mistake of meddling with it."

"Would you teach me how to fight?"

"There will be no need for you to use it, but I will. Trust me when I say, though, that when the time comes and you have to defend your child, then you will be invincible."

No P.O.V.

Felicity looked at Jasper, whom she had joined in a hunt. She guessed that he was her mother's new lover; he would not be the first one - but probably the last one. Felicity knew her mother wished to die, and she could not begrudge her. After decades of suffering, she deserved to finally find her peace.

"Your ability is remarkable." She said as they both picked up the scent of an elk.

"In most of the cases, yes. There are also occasions when I wish I would not feel others' emotions." Jasper liked the young girl running beside him; she had something about her that practically forced him to wish to protect her.

"I bet Mom's one of those occasions."

Jasper nodded, letting out a thoughtful sigh. "Georgiana is a remarkable woman, but by no means an easy one."

"I think she used to be. There had been days when she smiled, when she laughed, when she danced.... They're long gone, and beginning to fade from my memory, but they had been there." Felicity paused, then continued, free of her accent as always when she was brooding over something: "Sometimes I wonder how our lives would have been had my father lived. For many years, I had looked at every man in the right age of being my father, searching for some kind of resemblance... I hadn't believed him to be dead. Ridiculous, I know... I hadn't even known him, after all, and I had no reason to believe him alive..."

Jasper stopped, and Felicity came to a halt almost immediately, looking at him in wonder. "It's not ridiculous, Felicity." He said with such sincerity that Felicity couldn't help but believe him. But she also felt very weak and vulnerable in that moment, and escaped into Jasper's embrace. He soothingly stroked her back as she sobbed into his shoulder, none of the happy girl left. "I miss him, Jasper... Why did he leave me? Why did he leave Mom and John?"

"I am sure he would have come back to you if he had been in any way able to."

"We needed him! We still do... my family's breaking apart, and I can't even stop it..." Felicity just sobbed on, and couldn't even say why she broke down in a presence of a man she barely knew, but whom she would trust with her life. He was also the first man she approved of of being her mother's lover. "I want my Dad, Jasper."

Georgiana's P.O.V.

"You were gone a long time." I stated emotionlessly when Jasper and Felicity came back from their hunt late at night. I was standing outside at the brink of the forest, not being able to stand the closeness of the house, of the people.

"Yes." Felicity replied, and I wondered how we could ever have drifted so far apart. She was my daughter! My beloved baby... How far it had come with me, not even being able to show any warmth towards my own children. "Good night, Mom." She wanted to pass me, but I intuitively reached out a hand and held her arm. She looked at me with surprise. "Good night, Felicity. I love you." Then I let her go, and she went with a surprised expression on her face.

"Oh, God." I groaned and ran a hand over my face. "Thus far it has come, when my daughter looks at me like one would look at a ghost when I tell her I love her." I let out a dry humorless laugh.

"Felicity knows you love her, Georgiana."

"Does she?"

Jasper took my hands in his and looked into my eyes with an honest gaze. "Yes."

"I..." I kissed him. "Should..." Kiss. "Not..." Kiss. "Do..." Kiss. "This."

"Really?"

"No." I sighed and then just let my body take over, which strangely enough knew exactly what to do. I wondered how it could be so easy for Jasper to seduce me, without ever really doing anything.... but he could do it well.

I dozed - as well as vampires could doze - in his arms after having made love on the forest ground and looked into the night sky. There were no clouds, and the pale light of the moon shone down upon us. I turned my head around and met Jasper's lips. With my fingertips I caressed his broad chest, enjoying the sensation of his skin underneath mine. I thereby saw the moonlight shimmer on some parts of his body -his whole upper torso was covered in fine scars.

My lost memory screamed at me then, but I could not make out the words. I was too far away.

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