To Live and Let Go (Sequel to the Reckless and the Brave)

... In Love

I stayed in my bunk that night, as Adam had taken Lex and was showing her how to take pictures. I was completely alone in the pitch-black bus, crying and refusing to socialize. I got up after awhile and looked at myself in the full length mirror. My blue Get Low shorts were stained with chocolate, which I had just had some of. My old green t-shirt hung off my body. My glasses were pressed against my red nose, and my black hair was stuck hastily in a messy ponytail. I was disgusting. Then there was a knock at the door. Jack. "Shouldn't you be getting ready to play?" I questioned.

"I just want to talk to you," Jack said. "What is Alex on about? He said you said something."

"I said I wasn't as good as Lex. Don't ask my why he's all hot and bothered."

"You are just as good as Lex and you know it," he replied. "Can I sit?" I reluctantly nodded, curling deeper into the bunk to allow his lanky frame to sit up near my feet. "Heather, I'm going to tell you something I should have a long time ago. As soon as they took you away to the hospital, Alex got sick. He got so sick we took him to the ER. He was pale for days and wouldn't eat. He asked about you every single day, and cried all the time. He had panic attacks constantly. All he wanted was you. I know it sounds crazy. Insane even. But he loves you more than you realize. And if you keep fighting, I'm afraid I'm going to lose both of you. You're like my sister. He's like my brother. I can't let you throw that away. Especially after all you guys have been through." I sat there for awhile before hugging him tightly. Although Alex was still going to be a bitch, I knew that somewhere he still loved me. He had to.

"Can I tell you something?" I asked quickly, being reminded of the cut I had done by the pain in my thigh. He nodded. "Please don't be mad. I will explain it. Just don't flip out, please." He nodded, and I rolled up the shorts. He gasped, shaking his head.

"Heather. You didn't."

"I did. I regret it so much. I just didn't know what else to do, so I took a plastic knife and let loose. I wish I hadn't have done it. I thought I was done. I guess I'm just so good at lying to other people I lie to myself, too," I said quietly. He motioned for me to come closer and pulled me into another hug.

"Thank you for showing me that. I know it wasn't easy," he replied. "Whenever you feel like doing it, draw it with a marker or a pen. Not with a blade, okay? For me." I nodded, crying into his shoulder. Then he had to get up and convinced me to come watch the show, and meet up with Vic and him with Rian afterwords. Since the guys went out to sign, it was just Vic and I along with Jaime. We all mostly talked about music, until it finally got to the point where we ended up talking about self harm.

"That's the kind of stuff that gets to me. Don't do that. Please," Vic said as I reached across the table and he saw my scarred arm.

"I haven't in a year. Alex put me away because I tried to kill myself, " I lied. I did it that day, but had since changed from the shorts to make it invisible.

"That's great. I'm proud of you. So what's your fight with Alex about?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Well Rian brought me home from the mental hospital. At first he didn't want to see me, but then we made up and stuff. Then he sprung Lex on me, and started being really hostile. He told her I was a mistake, and is replacing me with her. And then today he overheard me talking about how much I hate being replaced and how I just want him back, and now he's giving Rian custody of me," I explained. His face grew solemn, confused in the slightest.

"So, in other words, you think he only kept you until he got something better?" I nodded, taking a sip of my coffee.

"Like I'm a pig he's been raising for slaughter." He sighed.