I was waiting in the waiting room at the hospital. I was panicked. I called Caspar telling him what happened. "Caspar" I said crying when he picked up "Oli's been shot. you and Joe have to come to the hospital now!" "Oh my god! Fuck!" He said as scared as I was. "We'll be there in 20 minutes!"
20 minutes later they arrived at the hospital. "Where is he?!" Joe said. "In there" I pointed at some random hospital room. "But they won't let me in" When they were finished, the doctor came up to us " your friend is in a critical state he lost a lot of blood" we were all so worried. "I can't guarantee you he'll make it but the good news is that he only got shot in his left shoulder which means the operation will be much easier plus the bullet hasn't damaged any main organ." The doctor walked away and I started crying again. "I'm sorry Hanna... for yesterday" Joe said. "I guess I was just jealous. But if Oli makes you happy I'm happy. I mean you're one of my best friends." He continued. I then just hugged Him because I needed a hug. "Are we still going to VidCon though? I mean there's two days left..." Caspar said. "I think Oli's more important Caspar and we have to be here when he'll wake up." "If he'll wake up..." I said depressed as hell. "Trust me Hon he'll wake up" Joe responded. "Hey" Caspar said in a quiet voice. "I'm gonna go grab something to eat. I'll be back" "okay." Joe and I responded. So he left. I was alone with Joe, we were talking about Oli and he kept apologizing and I did too. The last three days have been the best and the worst for me: I met the best guy I've ever met and fell madly in love with him and tonight I might lose him. "Hey Hanna do you want to walk around the hospital a bit?" he said. He didn't call me Hon this time I thought maybe he took the situation a little more seriously. "Isn't that like super depressing?" I asked. "You're right but it could take our minds off things." He responded. "Yeah sure" I agreed. We walked around for a bit. Then I didn't know what went through my head but when we were in the elevator I hugged Joe and after that hug I looked into his eyes and fucking kissed him! "I'm sorry! I didn't mean that!" "No it's ok" and he kissed me back! He didn't understand that I really didn't mean that but I was making out with him anyways. "Stop Joe." I said quietly after a while. He won't stop and I won't stop until he would. So here we were all of sudden making out in an hospital's elevator. All of this was so wrong, I never thought of Joe that way but in that moment I needed someone to comfort me and he was there for me. I regretted it immediately after but I couldn't say anything.
"Hey what have you guys been up to?" Caspar asked. "Oh and good news! The operation went insanely well! Oli will be waking up in an hour." I was so happy all the sadness and depression that I experienced earlier suddenly went away but my body started filling up with guilt. I hated myself.
