The Teacher Project~ A Ziam Story ~

Am I Wrong?

"The kids were amazing Harry. They didn't talk much, but they were all so different. I feel like I'm going to get so close with them and finally open them up, you know?" I said on my bed as Harry sat at the foot, playing intently with a Rubik's cube

"That's great Zayn. You're gonna be great to them." He said turning his head to me and setting the cube down after getting nowhere with it. I gazed at the Rubik's cube.

"You know, I feel like I'm playing real life Rubik's cube with these kids. Trying to figure them out, see what's the right move to get them to open up just that little bit more. It's gonna be tough. And I know it. But not impossible." I said, getting up from my bed and patting Harry on the back as I passed him to the kitchen.

I reached for the cupboards and pull out a glass.

"You want anything?" I offered Harry as I opened up the fridge.

"Um, nah, I'm good." He said, now lying back on the bed with the Rubik's cube above his face.

"That's gonna drop on your face, and I'm going to laugh." I chuckled, pouring some iced tea into my cup.

"How do you figure these dumb things out."Harry groaned in frustration.

"I just set them down and don't." I said, walking back to the bed and plumping down.

My place is a little weird. The kitchen and bedroom practically separated by a only few feet, no door way. Just an awkward transition of carpet to tile from bedroom to kitchen. And a huge window on one side of my bed. The bathroom door on the other side of my bed. My bedroom's practically my dining room and living room, with the TV set on a table next to the window. Don't worry though, I keep it clean and organized. Look, I'm just making it by. This job is going to get me on my feet and hopefully I'll get out of this dump. Truly a dump. The walls are so thin I can hear my neighbor taking a shit every morning. Big, hefty man. Never talked to him in my life yet I know way too much about him.

Sometimes this place is scary. I'd be sitting on my bed and hear crashing and screaming across the hall and I know that the mother of two's husband who lives there just came back from a night of drinking. It's a truly sad situation. Then there are the sketchy individuals who loiter in the hallways and outside the building. Every time I leave out my apartment, I remember about visiting the local sports authority and getting a bat for my place. I always forget and never do it.

I don't fear for my life in here. There hasn't been any break-ins since I lived here that I know of. But it just get you thinking. Harry says I should get a gun. But I truly dislike guns. I'd have no way how to work one and I'd probably mis-aim and shoot through the those paper thin walls and accidentally hit a neighbor. It's just something I couldn't live with.

My thoughts are interrupted by the crash of the Rubik's cube hitting Harry's forehead.

"Owwww." Harry said monotone

"What did I tell you, dummy." I laughed, taking a sip of my tea.

"Fuck, that hurt." Harry said, rubbing his forehead.

This weirdo friend of mine, Harry, I met about 3 years ago. He was 18 and attending orientation for the same college I went to. I was a sophomore in college and one of the orienteers. After orientation, me and him struck up a conversation about college life and I even quelled some of his fears about being out in the world alone for the first time. We hit it off right then. Best friends ever since. He comes from a well-off family. Lives in the quiet, middle class suburban part of town where kids ride their bikes in the cul-de-sac in the evenings. He drives twenty minutes to see me. One of my only true friends to this day whose stuck by me since day one.

"... So Harry, there's a kid in my class-" I began to say.

"A kid? Zayn you better not be getting ideas..." Harry folded his arms.

"Chill dude, you didn't even let me finish my sentence! I mean, he's nineteen. The oldest kid in there. I'm 22. So technically it wouldn't be that bad." I defended.

Harry proceeded to give me a crazed look.

"But that's besides the point, well, kind of the point. Anyways, his name is Liam. I get a... interesting vibe from him. Unlike the other kids. Like he's going to be the fastest one to open up to me. I mean we already have in common the fact that he loves comics and he sings too. And-oh! That's reminds me!" I just remembered.

Harry's eyebrows furrowed.

"You're a slick shit! You put the question 'first kiss?' on my Toss N' Talk ball! Did you really think that was a good idea?" I shoved his shoulder, scoffing at his idiocy.

"I didn't think anybody would actually land on it..." Harry said, clearly holding in laughter.

"Yeah, well Liam did. And he told us about the his first kiss being a guy." I said to Harry, to which his mouth dropped.

"He's gay??" Harry asked rather loudly.

"No, he's not gay. I mean, I don't think so. He said it was an drunken accident at a party, but that's also besides the point. I can't trust you to help me with this program if you're gonna put that stuff on there. I was embarrassed in front of these kids, Harry." I frowned.

"Alright, I'm sorry. But hey, at least he chose to answered it." Harry tried to make light of it.

"You're lucky. He actually wanted to answer. But, I just can't have kids going home to their parents saying how their counselor made them talk about first kisses for social building." I sipped my tea.

"Say, what does he look like?" Harry asks.

Well, he's fine for one. "Um, well, he's about my height. Has slightly long, golden brown hair and brown eyes. He's pretty fit as in built, not gonna lie." I chuckled.

"Sounds interesting." Harry smirked.

"What? He's handsome! Lots of guys are handsome!" I defended myself, though I don't know what for exactly.

"So he's cute." Harry said as if he knew what my response was going to be. He can be so persistent sometimes.

"No no no. You're gonna trick me into saying something I'm gonna regret later so how about we stop right here." I chuckled.

"Yeah, probably should." Harry smirked, looking at his phone. "And I should probably get going. My mom gets worried sick every time I'm out passed ten around here." Harry chuckles, standing up.

"I definitely wouldn't blame her." I said getting up as Harry walked for the door.

I opened the door and saw Harry out, giving him a quick hug before opening the door.

"See ya." I said.

"Bye man." Harry waved as he walked down the hallway.

I closed the door shut, looking through my peephole to watch Harry go out of sight. It's habit, to make sure he exits safely.

I walked down to my bed and plumped down again, my mind back on Liam.

I feel wrong for thinking about him so... romantically. I feel wrong getting butterflies at the fact that I'm going to be seeing him almost daily for nine months straight. I feel wrong that I'm now getting aroused reminiscing on how low his shirt hung when he hunched over in his seat, offering me a view of his tan chest.

I knew Harry was onto me because I've always been shit at hiding my feelings.

"Fuck." I ran my hand through my hair, shaking my head.

This cannot be happening .