Fenn had once told me that Tiw had used him as a beacon, as a navigation point which gave him a place on Earth to aim for. This, in turn, allowed him to cross realms. I suspected that when I'd first made Conn mortal, I'd done something similar, perhaps so that I could always find him. It would explain why my soul had always been able to find him in Valhalla. We were connected by ties that I didn't understand, and that night I was grateful for it. As the road passed under the wheels of my bike, I blocked out thoughts of any destination, and instead I focused on the cord of emotion that joined me to the man who I doubted I would ever escape fully, no matter how much I managed to sever our bond.
It was disconcertingly easy to follow our link. I'd always be able to find Conn, now that I'd realised it was possible. If I'd known that months ago, I wouldn't have needed the wolf blood. I wouldn't have given myself to Fenn. So much might have been different. That wasn't what unsettled me most, however. Nor was it what caused the most potent pang of regret to spear my chest. No, what caused both my disquiet and my remorse, was the realisation of where Conn had gone.
Realisation hit me long before I turned my bike onto the street where I'd spent my last mortal moments. Thankfully it was summer and already late. The commuters had already been and gone and the bus stop was empty, apart from the solitary man sat on one of the swing down seats. Conn's blue bike was illegally parked next to the metal and plastic shelter. He cut a lonely and grim figure as he waited silently, his head bowed, in the depressing structure. Crisp packets littered the shelters corners and holes had been melted through its plastic sides by cigarettes. It wasn't a place I'd choose to spend time. What was he doing there? Especially alone?
He didn't look up as I parked, but then the customised bike I was riding was easily recognisable. He knew I wasn't a threat, even before I spoke. "You should be careful. People have been attacked by savage rogue vampires in this bus stop, you know."
Conn laughed but although he was amused, even his chuckle sounded desolate. "I've heard. So few people have any respect for the rules these days. It's shocking. I'm horrified."
"I know. I mean, can you image?" I asked, trying to sound bright as I took a seat next to him. "Who would do such a thing?"
Leaning his head back against the wall of the shelter, he closed his eyes before answering. "Someone exceedingly stupid. Someone who should've known better." His voice was barely a whisper and the regret in it was heart-wrenching.
"What are you doing here, Conn?" I asked, not daring to wonder if what he regretted was turning me. "It's dangerous with Osgar and Osier out for blood, and with the way things have been with the mortals. If someone sees you, they'll recognise you. It isn't safe out here."
The slight heave of his shoulders caused a frown to pinch at my brows. It deepened as he answered, "Ah well, if anything happens to me it won't be anything more than the inevitable."
"Inevitable? This is you trying to deliver yourself back to Valhalla, is it?" The notion struck me like a blow and I couldn't tell if fear or anger was my most forceful responding emotion. Did I want to hug him to my chest and shield him or did I want to shake sense into him?
"No." Shaking his head, Conn finally turned midnight blue eyes on me. There was so much pain in them, so much doubt. More than I would've thought possible when I first walked into the house of my strong, arrogant, completely pig-headed Sire. "I need to find Will first. If anyone comes, I'll fight. All the same, I'm a vampire and Tiw's a god. Sooner or later, I'll go back. This", he indicated to our surroundings, "is a temporary escape until the next time someone gets in a lucky shot and ends my life. Maybe now you're moving on, you'll actually be able to give me to the sun. Maybe whatever is binding me to you will break."
