Chances

Chapter Three:

Chapter Three: Sebastian’s P.O.V.

            A month had gone by since my night with Seth. The school year was only a day away from starting. My timing was so messed up. Both seemed like a million years away. I needed distractions. Baseball just wasn’t cutting it anymore. All I could think about was him. It was so pathetic. He didn’t care. He just left me, but why should he care? Seth didn’t know me. I didn’t know him so why was I so hung up on him? I had no answer for that even after my countless hours of searching for it.

            I guess my frustration was apparent because Carla kept bugging me about what was wrong or maybe she was just being nosy. Both were a good possibility.

“Are you okay, Sebastian? You’ve been acting really weird since you went up to Kansas City,” Carla asked as we were eating breakfast. I dropped my spoon in my cereal bowl. Milk splashed on me.

“I’m fine,” I said, pulling myself together and picking up my now wet spoon.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” I looked up at her, staring into those big, brown eyes that held the truth of all my secrets. I blinked away.

“I know, but nothing’s going on,” I lied, trying to reassure her.

“Alright,” she said, studying me carefully.

“Yeah,” I said, taking a bit of cereal.

            Carla hit too close, sending my bad mood to complete shit. I didn’t even finish my bowl of cereal. I threw it in the sink, grabbed my baseball bag, and left. I jogged the mile to the baseball field. There I stretched and did my daily workouts. I pushed myself until I was exhausted and sweat soaked every inch of me. I wanted to rip off my wet t-shirt, but the bruises that littered my chest warned me not to.

            My new bruises ached at the thought of my father’s beatings. They had gotten worse as if he knew I had been with another man. It was my punishment for my stupid, careless actions. I was thankful that was all I got from that night. I was clean, but my father treated me like I was a dirty man. I wasn’t. I just liked boys. There was nothing wrong with it. The night I shared with Seth was beautiful. I couldn’t see it being any better with a girl. The only way it could ever be better was if I was with the person I was spending the rest of my life with. I hoped one day I would find the person I would spend the rest of my life with.

            That day was going to be far off, I feared. I still had to graduate high school and take care of Carla. That was what my life consisted of waiting, being beaten, and staying strong. I didn’t know what I was doing wrong to deserve it. I tried being a good person in every way possible. I didn’t think I have ever done anything too terrible. I just loved other men. What was so wrong with that?  Being gay wasn’t a bad thing. Gay people didn’t hurt anybody. I wasn’t hurting anybody. I was protecting somebody. My father deserved the punishments, not me, but I don’t think God saw it that way. There was nothing I could do to change the way I feel. I learned that. It was who I was. How could I be punished for who He made me to be? I had no answers for any of my questions. Whenever I tried to look for them, I wound up with more questions and more frustrations.

            I walked home. At home, I took a shower and then started getting the house ready for Papá to come home. Everything had to be just right or he would beat me. It didn’t matter some days; he would just find some excuse to lay his hands on me. Today was one of those days.

 I didn’t say a word as his hands landed on me. He kept hitting me until I couldn’t take it anymore and I shouted in pain. That was all he wanted. He wanted to hear my pain. A few more blows landed on me until he was satisfied. I slumped against the wall, trying to breathe again. It hurt so much. Carla came out of her room. I heard her door open and her footsteps tap down the hall.