Cape Town

Sexual Awakening

-Lily-

I remember the first time sex became relevant in my life. Sex is always there, from the day you're born until the day you die. It's everywhere. It's what brought you into this world. But when you're younger, it's this big elephant in the room that you don't want to touch or even think about. That is until one day when you're starting to mature and you look that elephant head on, right in the eyes, and you realize that you want it. You don't want to ignore it anymore, you don't want to pretend like it doesn't exist. You want it. Sex is undeniable.

I remember that moment for me. I was eleven-years old and it was the summer that nothing seemed to fit me anymore. It was the summer that the girls a grade older than me started wearing bikinis and bright, white short shorts that showed off their tans. I would fidget uncomfortably in my orange tankini and bury myself under a beach towel to hide my lumpy body from the world. But the exact moment that I realized that I wanted those tingly feelings that those unspoken of acts left me with didn't happen on the beach or on the pier. It happened in the kitchen of my summer home.

It was a bright, sunny morning in July. Cali and I had already been up for a good hour putting together breakfast: various fruits, biscuits with butter and jelly, and cereal. Out of the three of us who occupied the summer house, none of us were big coffee or tea drinkers. We always settled for juices, soda, or chocolate milk. Cali and I's favorite drink was always Coke mixed with lemonade. She would fill our cups halfway with Coke, then halfway with lemonade. She would look up at me and wink, her blue eyes twinkling as she mixed the two liquids together. But this morning, the only drink on the table was water.

Josh came up the stairs from the bedrooms, his caramel hair fluffed up on one side and the other side stuck to his face. He always woke up later than us. If Cali and I didn't force him up, he'd sleep until noon every day. Sometimes we let him, but only on the days that Cali would wiggle her blonde eyebrows and signal for me to go put on something nice and we'd go out for a girl's day. But this morning, he was up bright and early and not at all happy about it. He clambered around the table, plopping himself into his usual seat at the table across from me. He slumped over almost immediately.

"Would it kill you to put a shirt on in the presence of ladies?" Every time I spoke around him, I could hear how high and shrill my voice sounded. He looked up at me. His blue eyes were different from mine and Cali's. We had light blue eyes, the color of the sky or a robin's egg. His were a calm blue. They were tame.

"What ladies? I don't see any ladies here." He looked around the room. It was empty besides he and I. Cali had gone downstairs to the first floor to grab something.

I scowled at him. "You don't know anything about ladies. You aren't a man anyway. You're a boy."

"Is that so?" He leaned back in his chair, exposing his bare chest to me. He was muscular and had a deep, golden tan. He definitely looked like a man, with his toned body and defined cheekbones. Mine were still hidden beneath chubby cheeks. But I could never admit that to him.

"It sure is." I held my head high. If you didn't look confident marching into war, neither would your soldiers, and then you'd lose. Weakness is the easiest thing to pick up on.

Just then, I heard Cali's light footsteps climbing up the stairs. I turned to see her with a container of strawberries in her hand. She waved them at us. "Found 'em!" She walked into the kitchen and washed them off in the sink before pouring them into a white bowl. "I knew we had an extra pack of them lying around somewhere." She dried off her hands and walked over to us at the dining table. She carried herself in a cheerful way. I couldn't help but find myself smiling as she broadcasted her bubbly aura to the room. I looked over at Josh to see if she had the same effect on him, and that's when it all hit me.