School has never been my forte. I'm below average intelligence. All my friends are smart or at least average. Christine, Andrew, and Max are all crazy smart. Nicole Jess and Allie are average if not over average. Then there's me. I struggle just to get Cs in my classes and they complain if they get a B. Maybe their parents pushed them or they care more or something. Maybe it's my fault, I never strived for good grades nor did i ever pay attention in school. When i was younger i just didnt care, actually i never really cared until this school year. I always thought i'd have a fall back plan, a decent job and a decent life even if i did horrible in school. I was so very wrong. I wish I knew then what i know now about the real world. Especially now with the economy, it's going to be hell trying to find a decent job. I wish i would have put time and effort into my school work in the past, so i didnt have to learn all of that on top of what im learning this year. For example, I was in Geometry at the beginging of this year but failing every test and not finishing any of my homework. Due to having a very nice and leanient teacher, i passed my first nine weeks but then decided to switch into Algrbra 1 so i could have an understanding of geometry. This was something i was not at all proud of or comfortable sharing with others. Though i acted like i didnt care, and still am acting like i dont care, i do. I really do. If i could change one thing about me id make myself as smart as Andrew. Maybe as skinny as Christine...nah, id rather be smart. I'm trying hard now, even though now, it may be too late to ensure myself a good GPA for my freshman year.
I'm lazy. I hate doing homework, and i cant seem to stay foccussed in class. Which is most likley Andrews faultnow-a-days. Which leads me into the next paragraph.
Yes, latly my feeling for Andrew have changed. I seem to have got a liking for him. I'm not sure why now, but it was sudden. One day, I realized he was everything i had said i wanted in a boy. Tall, Smart, athletic. I never really cared about looks infact id probably rather date a not-so handsome boy rather than a jaw dropping jock. Andrews not the hottest of all boys ive talked to but he's definantly a looker. I really don't think he's ever been in a relationship before and that may be why he can get so awkward around girls. It'd be perfect, right? We live on the same street, have all the same friends, completly comfortable with each other, and have no problem being rudely honest with each other. But, ready for the heart breaking part of all this?? He no longer has that big crush on me like he used to. Before i knew he liked me in the past, i was attracted to him because he was the only one who didnt try to 'get with me'. Now that i know he did like me, i still think i wouldve been attracted to him. I tell myself it has to happen eventually, right? It's too perfect not to. We're too perfect not to end up dating at one point, right? Probably wrong. But that's what he does. He gives me hope, then crushes me. He'll text me and flirt, then stop and wont text me again for weeks. Before he knew i liked him, everything was how it always was. Except, we all went to the movies together one night and me and andrew ended up holding hands. Only because he hates scary movies though. But, what do i care? I held his hand. Which, yes, is a big accomplishment for us because he's not the touchy type like i am. I love cuddling and being close to people, probably because im so use to being alone. But he'd rather have an entire couch to himself so he could spread out comforably. We've only hugged once. I've known him for almost 3 years now. I've hugged max probably hundreds of times, and the girls countless. Thats just how we are except for him of corse. But whatever. I can handle not touching all the time and not being so close as long as i know he's...there.
