Polar Opposites

Chapter 10

Will
I hear Lamar speaking with a doctor outside my room. My eyes are still closed but I listen to every word. "He doesn't need to know that Charlotte is dead yet. It might make him worse. The burns were already traumatic enough for him. He doesn't need to have his heart ripped out as well," I hear a timid Doctor tell Lamar. "Yes sir," Lamar's grizzly voice carries through the door. I hear the door open, followed by heavy footsteps.
I assume Lamar still thinks that I'm asleep because he doesn't say anything. I listen to him sit down on the cushion of a nearby chair as he clears his throat and sighs.
I lay in silence for a bit until I can't bear to act anymore. Slowly opening my eyes, I come to the realization that it's dark out which means I slept for the entire day. I look at Lamar and feel a small surge of anger...but it doesn't last long. Soon it is replaced by grief. I wonder if he's ever seen a grown man cry the way that I'm about to. Lamar just stares at me. "You know," Lamar says quietly,"The doctor's think you don't but I knew you would. I suppose it didn't actually matter that the two of you fell in love because you would've felt this hurt either way." He stands up quickly and whips around to stare out the window. I can hear the hurt behind his voice. He coughs twice and tries to clear his throat. He doesn't want me to know that he's mourning also.
"I came out with a couple of burns, cuts, and bruises...and they won't even be able to find a lock of her golden hair," I sob, almost like a toddler who had his dump truck taken away.
Realizing that she's gone isn't the hard part. It's the fact that I won't be able to hold her, see her, talk to her, or hear her voice anymore. She won't smile with a crinkled nose, her heart won't beat, her hands won't ring together when she can't figure out a case. She's dead. She's not alive. My girl is inanimate. A pile of ash mixed with her favorite tower. How ironic that the landmark she loved most is what she died on. It's sick...it really is. It's a sick joke from life, right? You can have anything you want, but I'm taking the love of your life.
Lamar is staring at me with a look of guilt. He should feel guilty. He sent her out in the field by herself. Of course he knew I'd go with her but still. "So I guess I get my job back, huh? With a new field agent? I don't want it...I don't want it..." I just keep repeating this over and over to him, sobbing into my hands.
"You have 3 months to decide William...I'm sorry...I'm sorry." He leaves me.
I don't even know what this feeling is. I guess this is how empty feels. For three days the doctors come in and out silently to check my vitals. The only thing I have to say is my name and date of birth to the nurses who come in every 3 hours to check every wound on my body. The only serious injury I have is a 2nd degree burn going down my right calf. They treat it the most. I'm required to have an extended stay because they're worried in spiraling into depression. I probably am. I have nothing left. Charlotte is dead. I'm just a hopeless guy left in a Miami hospital to wither away.