Revealed

Chapter Four

We weren't in the car for much longer. The break only served to make Zander more tired, and we pulled up after just an hour or so of driving. Like the last time, the journey was silent, but it wasn't tense or awkward, it was just that neither of us wanted to talk, and we were both okay with that.

I didn't realise how much I had managed to fit into my ruck sack until I heaved it out of the car. It was heavy, the zip only half shut. My arm ached from carrying it from the car to the reception area. The outside of the hotel wasn't up to much; a smooth white building that must have once looked beautiful, but now needed a good wash. The inside was nice. Simple, practical and nothing flowery or flouncy. It was a big house with rooms for rent. Not a luxury stay in paradise. It was great for what we needed.

There wasn't a lift, and the stairs were grueling, up two flights, third door on the left. I was all too happy to drop my bag on the fading carpet, watching as Zander kicked the wooden door shut, placing his bag alongside mine. The awkwardness was back. We both stood, not quite sure what to do or what to say. When we were in the car, we had something to do. He was concentrating on diving, I was keeping to myself, listening to the radio and saving myself from my own thoughts.

"I think that I'm just going to have a quick shower then go to sleep." I rifled through my bag, trying to find something a little more comfortable to sleep in. I hadn't been paying much attention to what we had been throwing in my bag. Eventually, I found a long top and a pair of leggings, the closest thing to pyjamas that I could find.

I finished up in the bathroom as quickly as I could, knowing that the sooner I was asleep, the sooner things would go away. I couldn't deal with problems when I was asleep, I didn't need to think about anything, my body knew how to keep me alive, that's all I needed.

"There's only one bed." I hadn't been listening in reception. I'd slept with him before, and it was nice, warm and placating to have someone lying beside you. But I wasn't right at the moment. It wasn't a romantic vacation, a spontaneous get away from reality, it was cold, hard, and real, and we were trying to stay alive, to stay out of the way.

"I'm aware. It was cheaper. And you can't leave if I'm holding on to you."

"I wasn't going to leave."

"You tried earlier." I was stupid earlier.

"Pass me a pillow, I'll sleep on the floor." It didn't look comfortable, or hygienic.

"Is this really how things are going to be?"

"What did you expect? Thing can't just be normal again."

"I know that, but get in the bed. There's no point fighting anymore."

I sighed, agreeing with him on that point, sliding into the bed next to him. The mattress was soft, and I sunk down, body rolling towards Zander's, the bed lower under his weight. I wanted to stay on the edge, trying to keep my point clear that things were not alright between us. It was difficult on a single bed, even more so when he pulled me against him, arms holding me in place.

A twist of sensations rose to the surface. I knew that he was doing it to keep me there, to stop me from sneaking off, but I loved the feeling. His chest was solid against my back, rising and falling with each breath, a rhythm that I tuned in to, one that I followed. It almost had me tricked into thinking that this was just the same as always. That we were just a regular couple sleeping together, nothing more and nothing less.

We weren't.

I closed my eyes, sealing myself off into darkness. My mind was buzzing, and I needed to go to sleep, but I feared that if I stopped the hype, then other thoughts would resurface, ones that would keep me away far longer than an over active mind.