Paper Hearts

NOW

It’s bitterly cold when we step outside, more so than I expected, and I immediately begin to shiver. Ollie grins.

“You never were sensible about warm clothing, were you?”

I can’t help laughing with him, but I’m so nervous that the laugh comes out shrill and shaky, bursting from my lips almost involuntarily. This makes him smile more.

“You don’t need to be nervous. It may have been a long time, but I’m still me, Ede” he hesitates for a moment, a mere heartbeat, “I’m still your Ollie”

I almost skid to a halt; my mouth is gaping in shock and my head is spinning. I want him to say more. I want him to tell me that he came here hoping to find me because he wants me back again.

But he doesn’t say anything like that.

Instead, he puts his arms around me and draws me close, his hand moving up and down my arm to warm my goose-pimpled skin. I close my eyes, just for a second, savouring the moment, and tilt my head to rest it on his shoulder as we walk. We walk in silence.

It’s not the flat I remember, but a new one, a couple of streets closer to the little Chinese that we used to order from. I remember sitting in there eating pork dumplings the day he told me he was in the Army, waiting for hours because I wanted to punish him for hurting me. Ha. That was the easy day. It was the rest of it that was hard – and I thought my heart was broken! At that point, I didn’t know what heartbreak was.

His flat is on the second floor, and he goes ahead of me once we enter it, switching all the lights on, pulling the shuttered blinds down. I look around, reminiscing.

“It looks the same as the other one, almost. Nicer, perhaps”

He laughs, “Thanks. I think”

He comes back over towards me, and something hits me the moment our eyes reconnect. I don’t know why or how, but suddenly every emotion I have ever associated with this man comes flooding back, everything he ever made me feel, and I feel like I might explode from the strength and depth of it all. Instead, I gasp.

Because of course I still love him. Of course I still want him. Of course...I still need him.

“Eden?” he looks concerned, moves closer, “You’ve gone really pale. I’m sorry, I know it’s a shock, but I saw you dancing and I couldn’t walk away – couldn’t screw things up all over again, not when it was all my fault – “

I fling my arms around him and press my lips to his, cutting him off. He responds almost instantly, but then draws back, holding me at arm’s length.

“Ede, what’re you – we need to talk”

“We can talk later” I counter, and go to kiss him again. He draws away, and the sternness of his voice is ruined by the desire in his eyes, the sparkle of amusement.

“We can do this later”

I shake my head, laugh as if it’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard anyone say.

“No, we can’t” I kiss him again, tugging at his shirt, yanking at the buttons. His hands explore my body, pull me closer, his lips kissing hungrily along the length of my neck.

“I do want you” he admits breathlessly against my skin, making me shiver, “So badly”

“Then what are you waiting for?” I reply, completely shamelessly, completely openly...completely head over heels in love with him all over again.