How To Fathom Violet

Child of Lucifer

"And if you fall as Lucifer fell/You fall in flames!"
-Violet's Silent Singing that Might Have Been Sung and Might Have Not

It wasn't really supposed to happen like this, but it did.

I woke up the next day, which I use lightly because it was only technically the next day, to the same sterilized, tongue depressor hospital smell. It was not even dawn when I bawled.

I bawled because it hurt. It wasn't the fresh kind of hurt that I could deal with, it was the uncomfortable realization that this hurt would last for a long time. And for me, I'd never be able to walk, and I was lucky I could even talk. I didn't even know if I could write, but at least I could talk.

And the bawling was more like the screams of a banshee, piercing the night sharper than a howling wolf's ever could. I made out the shapes of hospital things that I wasn't familiar with. I doubted I'd been left with anything sharp or dangerous. The urge to cut was so strong that I couldn't sleep.

...I couldn't sleep.

I felt stale and hungry and exhausted, but worst of all: okay. I felt okay, but my heart was beating. My heart was trapped in a chest (literally) that muffled the beating, but only so that you could feel a faint, yet desperately fast beating.

My ears screamed with the sound of a dog whistle, but it was excruciatingly deafening. Tears streamed out of my eyes, and instead of banshee bawling, I squealed. I no longer sounded like a wailing banshee, I now sounded like-well-an injured person.

I was sure people in the rooms nearby were complaining, but I couldn't hear them.

The door in front of me opened, and the blueish hospital lights flashed on. It was a single nurse on night duty, not my nurse, but a nurse. That was fine by me.

"What's wrong?!" She screamed, trying to outdo my own squealing.

"I...I CAN'T HEAR... EARS..." And just like that the dog whistle ended and I fell over, limp, but still conscious.

This time I couldn't hear anything. I wanted to be unconscious, but my body wouldn't listen-in fact, it couldn't. The nurse kept waving her arms and screaming things, but I couldn't hear. Her pale skin turned red with frustration when I wouldn't answer her. I didn't even know if I myself was still screaming, but how could I scream in this limp state?

The nurse ran over to me and looked into my ears, which were burning as though someone were doing pyrotechnics in my ear drums. Her nightingale black hair swooped down to tickle my face.

I stood stiff as she examined my ears. She stood back and said something to me, but my throat was stitched after all the screaming that had broken it not too long ago. I put a hand to my ear and felt something wet. I put my hand in front of my face. Everything was was okay; the creases in the melanin free palm, the darkness of the back of the hand-except on the tips of my middle three fingers, was a red substance that smelled of iron. My ear was bleeding.

I finally told the nurse that I couldn't hear and she went off to the side to find a pencil and paper, and scribbled.

Doctors all gone tonight...only one left. Working on other patient.

I told her it was okay, and asked her if I might be able to sleep before the doctor-he or she-was able to see me. She wrote sure in pencil and noted that her name was Lucy. She started to leave, but I called out to her.

"I can't sleep though, the pain," I said, but couldn't hear. "Can I get sleeping pills or something?"

That stupid nurse, bless her soul, fell for it the second she nodded her head and came back with an entire bottle. Of course, she handed me one, but her poor, poor soul left the bottle by the metal table looking thing by my bed. She fell for it real bad. She clearly didn't know what I was here for, and clearly didn't think about it.

I laughed quietly to myself when she left, even though I couldn't hear. I reached over and stretched my body to grab the bottle. Once it was in my grasp I was grinning from bleeding ear to bleeding ear. God, that young nurse was so stupid. She didn't really do anything about my bleeding ears and deafness, nor did she think twice about leaving a large enough bottle of sleeping pills by my side.

What did I want my last words to be?

I didn't want to sing.

It would be the worst if I sung myself to death and couldn't even be bothered to hear it.

Then I knew it.

I knew what I was going to say.

"I'm sorry, Daddy."

And I viciously swallowed all the pills I could. I imagined that the bottle and remaining pills made a loud clang and showering rain sounds when I couldn't hold on anymore.

My body was immediately shocked, as it couldn't handle anymore injuries. My stars twinkled out, my planets shuttered off to other galaxies, the black hole engulfed me, and my sun burned out and was swallowed by a swirling hole of darkness.

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Song:
Stars from Les Miserables

2 more parts: 1 chapter and one afterward
:'> excited?
I am.