Under the tree of thoughts

Part three: The Promise

Waiting again, I started wondering: Why am I here? I remembered a promise, but I didn't know what it was. Why was I so surprised of this world I apparently created myself? Was that normal? Those were the words of a sad man. At that time the only emotion that I remembered was pain, the one I had just experienced. Sadness was new and it felt quite weird. Was I sad?

The grey sky was sad, the lawn felt that way too. Why? Was it because of my memories hiding around? No it felt like a secret being kept away from me. I stood up again, this time with my own force. But I once again found myself in a memory. I waited to see the child me again, but there was no one around, just a blank space. Nothing.

Suddenly a green part appeared under my feet. And I could see it expanding. It was beautiful. That's when I thought: "Maybe this is the lawn, when I created it." and I was right, once again. It was as if I recognized it but didn't know it. It was the weirdest feeling.

And so I looked around. It was nothing like the grey world where I came from. That was the time when the lawn was still a child's place, where only plain memories came in, emotions felt in the air, no polluting memory. I wondered one more time how it had ended up like that. Had I done something?

Anyway, I looked around. I saw myself in a corner. The child me, trying to create new space for his thoughts. There was silence. A dead silence. I just stood there watching the past me, happy, smiling, a gesture that made my heart feel light. I was happy for the first time. But then I heard someone shouting: "I won't look back!"

I turned: "What did you say?" I answered waiting like a mad person for a reply. To my surprise, the child kept on talking:" If I turn back I will look at all my memories, all my thoughts. I will remember about things that are mostly sad, that's how I build this lawn. So I won't turn back. I will keep thinking about my life, until one day, I can make it into a book, a book I could read in heaven."

I stood in front of him. He wore a serious expression. He was convinced that nothing would come in the way of his promise. It made me believe that too. But why was I there then?

The little me smiled, looking directly into my eyes:" Promise future me, that you won't look back, not until it's finished. Promise me you will read it only going towards the after world. I ask for this because I want a happy life, not forgetting about the past, but not remembering it too. That's what I ask for. Make it a deal!"

I smiled. What else could one do while hearing those words? I was so happy and proud that I actually answered "Yes" even though I knew no one was going to hear it. I just wanted him to know that a promise was a promise. It is one even though you are dead and I realized that soon enough. But still I couldn't help smiling. That's because I never considered the possibility of not keeping that promise.

I was a bit too wrong in that thought...