Too Much (John Egbert x Suicidal! Reader)

Tragically Beautiful

*Warning: If you get easily triggered, depressed or mentally/emotionally provoked any of the following topics/subjects, I would advise you to a) proceed reading this fanfic with caution or b) skip over what you've begun to feel uncomfortable with. Thank you!*

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You had recently begun wondering what death was like. Was it fragile? Was it peaceful? Would someone's soul just leave their body as they sunk into the clutches of nonexistence? Maybe it was painful... Maybe one felt every ounce of misery that death could possibly bring. Who knew? You certainly didn't. But it didn't stop you from wondering. Especially since almost everyone who had mattered to you was gone.

*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Yeah whatever." You snarled, turning your back on your parents.

"No! Get back over here, we aren't done with you! You don't need to be dating that Strider kid anymore, okay, (y/n)? He's no good." Your father said sternly, his heavy hand on your shoulder. You cringed away from it, turning back to glare at him with fierce eyes.

"I heard you the first time. I don't honestly see why you think he's such a bad person." You commented under your breath. Your mother finally stepped forward, her eyes tired.

"That boy does drugs, lies to and manipulates you, steals, and has had sex with practically everyone you know since you've begun dating, (y/n). You've seen it. Multiple times." She provided the evidence. You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms.

"Is that it? Just because he does those things doesn't mean that he, as a person, is bad. I'm okay with all of it." You protested. You expected them to fight back. To argue with you again about it like they always had before. You, in your heart, knew they were right. Dave Strider had done those things, and he still claimed you as his girlfriend. Though you let him, you hated yourself for it. At the time, you had no respect for yourself or your parents. You loved them, subconsciously. You didn't realize the depth of it. Yet. Your mother and father exchanged looks. Your father sighed, taking a step back.

"... You know what? Fine. You'll see some day soon that he's no good for you. We only want what's best for you... But apparently you don't want that for yourself. Go on ahead and let him ruin you. We're not going to argue about it with you anymore." He said, his voice almost sad. Your eyes went wide, your mouth slightly agape in shock. You scowled after a moment, your eyebrows furrowing, your jaw clenching.

"Th-That's stupid! He's not going to ruin me! And you don't want what's best for me! You don't want me to be happy at all! God, I hate you so much!" You raised your voice, glancing back and forth between them, half-hoping that your father wouldn't let you go. Half-hoping he would ground you, or do something closely-related. But he didn't. He just turned away from you, sadness lacing his eyes.

"... If that's how you feel..." He trailed off. With that, he walked away, your mother sending you a wistful glance before turning and following him. She didn't speak but once, but she made it clear she agreed with him. You looked down, guilt and regret immediately filling the essence of your being. Hah... You'd thought you'd felt alone then. Despite the hollowness that already plagued you from the encounter, their words provoked you. You felt you needed to prove them wrong, and you thought you knew just how you were going to do it.

Your parents were going to a late night doctor's meeting - your mother was a radiologist and your dad a brain surgeon. Dave was hosting a wild party in an abandoned parking lot on that very same night. He was one of the most popular seniors at your high school, and he got away with almost everything. You had snuck out after your parents had left. The moment you had gotten there, you knew it was a mistake. 'This isn't like me... I shouldn't be doing this...' You kept thinking, but nonetheless you pushed past the alcohol, drug, and pleasure-ridden bodies.