Goodbye

Goodbye Daddy

I can't believe it. After months of you fighting, after all the suffering, you left. I don't, I can't believe it. Your gone, and I missed it. I missed telling you goodbye. I don't want to believe it, after all, I just saw you yesterday! You can't be gone. You just can't. Why did you leave me daddy, WHY! There are so many things we haven't done, that you haven't seen me do yet. You haven't wished me well as I go off to my first day of eighth grade, you haven't seen me turn sixteen, or get my drivers license. You haven't seen me graduate high school, or college. You haven't given me away at my wedding. You haven't seen me become someone you can be proud of. Why did you leave me all alone, daddy. I know the last couple of years we haven't been the best of terms, but that doesn't mean you had to leave. Please just come back. I'll be better, no fights, no drama. I won't slack off from my chores, and I'll try even harder in school. You just have to come back. I'm so tired, I just can't stay awake. G-goodbye daddy

_____________________one week later_______________________________

Even as they put your coffin down, I'm still waiting for you to come out, and just end this cruel joke. I know it is no joke, that your really gone, but it's just so hard to except. Mom had to make sure I didn't fall to the ground after everyone left. Mom let me stay out here. This is when I realize that their are tears streaming down my face, and I'm on my knees, my head touching your headstone. When did I start crying? I promise I'm not doing it on purpose. I'm trying to be strong, just like you'd want me to be. But I really don't want to be strong. I want you here, hugging me and saying everything is going to be alright. I don't want you having that stupid oxygen mask on, I don't want you to suffer ever time you move because of that stupid disease! I want my daddy back, back before you were bed ridden, before I couldn't stand being with you for to long. When I was little, and you were my superhero. I would trade everything I have, if you could come back. I love you, I love you so much. Goodbye daddy

_______________________one month later_________________________

I can actually eat like a normal person again, which is good. I didn't eat very much after you left. It still seems impossible, but I know it's not. Your never coming back, and I will never see you again. Except for my photos, those are all framed and around my room. It's been hard not to expect you there, to see your smile, to hear your laugh. My friends really don't get it, they try, but it's not the same as knowing. Not the same as feeling it. It's like I have to fight to get up, to eat, even to sleep. I can smile again, not real smiles (or so my best friend says) but there smiles. And I want you to know daddy, that I don't mind so much anymore. It still hurts like hell, every single day, and theirs not an day that goes by were your not on my mind. Theirs not a night that doesn't have a dream with you in it. But I understand that you were in pain. Even if you tried to act like you weren't in agony, I could still see it your eyes. Plus, you still stink at acting. It probably won't be for a long time before I can be the person I was before you left, but I'm willing to go down the path again. Thank you for being there while you could. I love you, I hope where ever you are that you don't forget that. Goodbye daddy

________________________one year later_________________________

Hello dad. It's been awhile, hasn't it? Did you here, last semester I got all A's and B. I'm about to enter high school. It would be better if you were here, but I think you're here in spirit. Did you like the flowers for your birthday? I remembered they were your favorite. Forget-me-nots are beautiful. This past year has been hard, so very hard, but I like to think you helped me get through it. I don't think I'll ever be quit the same person I was, but that's okay. Change happens to us all, and there's nothing you can really do, except for exempting it. I might not be as childish as I was, but I think maybe I needed to grow up a bit. I wish I didn't have to lose you to get to this point though. But I'd like to think your happy. And maybe, just maybe, after I live my life and do the things I want to accomplish, that you'll be there, waiting and welcoming me with open arms. You should know I'll probably punch you in the arm, then hug you so tight that you'll start laughing, and hopefully telling me "whoa, careful there. You to strong for an old man like me" even if you were only 35. I still think about you constantly, you know. But instead of all the missed moments, I think of the ones we did have together. I'll never forget you. I think I finally get the whole "always in my heart thing". As long as I remember how you were, and what you meant to me, you'll always be with me. God, I love you dad. I have to go now, but I will come back. Goodbye daddy

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Thank you all for reading. Mr. Davis passed on 8-11-14. I wrote this because I won't be able to personally comfort my friend till tomorrow, and because everyone goes through a point in there lives were the lose someone precious to them. I know it's not very long, but I hope it's the thought that counts. Any messages anyone wants to give my friend, just comment and I will tell her. I know it won't really help you guys, but for anyone who's like my friend, I'm sorry for your loss. Once again, thank you for reading. Bye