All That Matters

Chapter One

The ironic part about vitro fertilization is that someone who has complications getting pregnant starts by taking birth control pills. After this, for Amanda, a never ending round of medicines begun: three ampoules, each of Follistim and Repronex, were injected into her by her husband.

Six days later, the size of her ovarian follicles was measured through a transvaginal ultrasound. A blood test measuring her estradiol levels followed, after which it was decided that for her to take Antagon - a new medication in order to keep the cells in the follicles until they were ready.

Three days later, another ultrasound and blood test were carried out on her. Ten thousand units of hCG were injected into her body, and exactly three days later, the eggs were retrieved.

After all of this, through intra-cytoplasmic sperm injection, the egg was fertilized with Adam's sperm.

Three days later, a vaginal catheter was inserted in her body, as she watched the embryo transfer on the computer monitor with Adam.

Another ironic part about all of this was that some people only need to make love to have a baby.

~

'We are going to have a baby!' Adam picked Amanda up and twirled her across the room, stopping only to kiss her.

'So many things can still go wrong,' she wanted to say, but she did not. Adam looked happier than he had in a very long time and she would not do anything that might ruin it. So, she pushed away her fears, and she kissed him passionately.

They were interrupted by the sound of the doorbell ringing.

'It must be Sophie,' said Amanda, 'She said she'd swing by when I returned from the hospital.'

'I'll get it.'

Sophie was not only Amanda's best friend, she was her only friend. Little by little, as her other friends had their own children, she distanced herself from them. She could not stop herself from feeling hurt every time she saw them with their children. Even when all her friends made sure to tuck their children in their beds or tell them to not leave the room when she came, Amanda was still reminded of how she did not have what came so easily to others.

Sophie was her only friend who was unmarried and had no children, which was why their friendship was not only restricted to meetings once or twice a year, on special occasions only, such as birthdays and Christmas, like they were with other friends of Amanda.

Amanda sat down on the couch, consciously resting her hand on her belly, when Adam returned with Sophie.

Sophie took one look at Amanda's hand covering her belly, and asked with a smile on her lips, 'So everything is okay, then?'

'Till now, yes.' Amanda beamed, getting up to hug Sophie.

'I knew it,' said Sophie. 'So I bought some champagne to celebrate! You can have some, can't you, Amanda?'

'I better not.'

'Yeah,' agreed Adam, kissing his wife.

Sophie looked away. Even though it was hurting inside, on the outside she managed to laugh, and said, 'Get a room, you guys!'

~

'You know,' Adam said, lying in bed, his hand moving up from Amanda's stomach to her chest, 'I think we should do something so that this baby doesn't feel like it was made in a test tube.'

But when he nibbled on her ear, she pulled away.

'What's wrong?'

'I don't want to hurt the baby.' Her voice was barely above a whisper.

'The doctor said it was okay as long as we are careful.'

She shook her head. 'I don't want anything to go wrong.'

He looked into her eyes, and nodded, placing a kiss on her forehead. 'Better to be safe than sorry.'

It had been so long since they had made love whenever they wanted to, but she was willing to wait a little longer if it meant her baby would be safe.

~

In the past, Amanda has had enough miscarriages to stop daring to hope for everything to turn out fine when it was still too early. But this time, when after twenty-seven weeks, everything was still alright, she finally allowed her heart to nurture some hope.

For hours during her days, she started thinking about her baby, and how beautiful her life would be once it came into this world.

Then one night, for the first time in years, Amanda and Adam talked about baby names.

The last time they had talked about them was long ago - back when they thought it would be easy to have a baby. Back when they were trying not to have children. Now it seemed to be ages ago.

'Geraldine sounds good,' Adam joked, and Amanda hit him playfully on his arm.

They were lying in their bed, facing each other. Her hand covered Adam's which rested on her stomach. With his other hand, he twirled her hair around his finger as they talked.

'Well, if you don't like it, I had another great-aunt named Ermentrude.'

She rolled her eyes. 'Spencer. Ellen. Sam - '

Her list of names was interrupted by a sharp intake of breath as a sudden pain shot up her stomach.

'What's wrong?' Adam asked, suddenly sitting up.

Amanda felt something warm between her legs, as she pressed both her hands on her stomach. 'I think, my water just broke.'

But when Adam threw away the covers, she saw blood tickling down her leg.