the only exception // mc

5

Michael didn't have to work until ten, but we were both up by eight and neither of us seemed to be able to fall back asleep. I had thought that it would be awkward when we woke up intertwined, but still, even sober, it felt sort of natural. We even stayed tangled together for another half an hour.

"Did you sleep well?" Michael asked, brushing my hair away from my face. I nodded.

"Honestly, I slept better than I have in months." I admitted. I could feel my cheeks heating up. "Probably because of the amount I drank." I added. I didn't want him to think it was because he'd been sleeping next to me, even though I knew that was the reason.

"Yeah, definitely. That's probably why." He had the slightest smirk spread across his pink lips and god, was I ever tempted to kiss him, but I stopped myself.

"Would you like something to eat before work? I could make pancakes." I sat up in my bed.

"I... sure. Let's have some pancakes." Michael agreed. He crawled out of bed and slipped into his jeans. I got out of bed and made my way into the kitchen, searching for the things I'd need for the meal I was making him.

I needed a way to distract myself from him. I needed something else to occupy my brain. Michael distracted me from my father's illness, but I needed something to take my mind off of Michael and how badly I wanted to kiss him and feel his hands in my hair. I needed something to distract me from the fact that I wanted nothing more than to feel his body next to mine again. I wanted to sleep next to him every night and that's wasn't a good thing, at least not for me.

I started to realize at that point that I did believe in the idea of love and emotion, I just didn't want it to become a part of my life. I did not want to give my heart to someone. I did not want to give my all to somebody when it could all be thrown back in my face. I didn't have it in me to open up and let my emotions overtake me, and so I knew that anything with Michael was a bad idea. He was already close enough that he could hurt me; I couldn't let him get any closer.

"I'm sorry for how I acted last night." I said as I stirred the batter. I'd just used the kind that came in a box that you added water to, but I knew they would still be good. Yhe only thing that could ruin pancakes was a bad mindset. "I was drunk and I let my emotions get the best of me. It won't happen again." I cringed as I thought back to me crying with my head on his chest, the sobs overwhelming me to the point where I couldn't breathe. He had handled it so well, rubbing my back and telling me that I would be okay. I believed him, even though it was hard to imagine ever feeling okay again after losing my father. But he had done it; he had lived through this, and so I knew it was possible to be okay.

The batter hissed as it hit the hot pan. Michael sighed and I heard him sit down at the small table in my kitchen.

"Rosalie, why are you apologizing for showing emotion? Don't you understand that you don't have to apologize to me for feeling something? You have good reason to be upset, and besides, you're my friend. I am here for you. Now more than ever, you need someone to be here for you."

"I don't do well with this." I said quietly. "I don't do well with opening up to people. You've seen more of me than anyone else ever has."

"That's kind of sad." He admitted. "Why haven't you ever opened up? Why haven't you even let yourself have friends?" This was a rough topic for me, something I had never discussed, not even with my father. It had been hard to explain; no one had ever understood my logic on the subject.

"I am afraid of getting attached to people." I started, flipping the pancakes. I already had a decent stack made, but there more was batter, and I liked having my back turned to Michael right now. "I'm afraid of getting attached and letting people seeing every bit of me and not... loving me, I guess. The idea of becoming attached to someone and them not becoming attached to me is terrifying. I would rather be alone from the get go than to have someone I care about leave me. That's why it was always just me and my dad." Except now, he would be leaving me too.