//a month today//

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To Alana, from Louis

it was a month today and it makes me so fucking mad that i was elsewhere when you were at your lowest.

and i'm still constantly messaging you and phoning you even though you won't pick up the phone or answer my messages. it's my release. it's my outlet. it's my last connection to you.

you're voice on the answering machine makes me happy. you made me happy. i feel everything so much and, yet, i feel nothing at all. i feel guilt and sadness and anger and everything i should do.

but i feel it so much that it's all merged into one and i feel like i'm trapped in a stack of needles. every time i move, it hurts. when i breathe, it hurts. fuck. living hurts.

and i drank again.

i just want everything to go away.

Delivered - 09/08/15 - 5:59 am
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a/n- i've entered this into the wattys, just so you guys know:) i'm in love with this.

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