seven reasons why

//killing me//

To Alana, from Louis

the whole time i'd known you i had only ever seen you cry twice. the first time was in our last year at secondary school. we weren't even close at that point. by then, the only time we were talking was during second period on a tuesday and even then. i was doing the talking. you listened and you were good at that.

but it was just me and you in this little corridor and i had no fucking clue what to do. i was as awkward as you were in these types of situations. if someone cried in front of you, you'd pat their back and say 'there there'.

and so i walked away. because you had your problems and i had mine. i said to myself not to bother you. you'd probably be embarrassed if you knew i was there. but, really, i was selfish. i didn't want to comfort you, because i didn't want the consequences of what might happened. i didn't want to develop feelings for you. which was ironic, because i did devolp feelings for you in the end and it only took a swift punch in the face to realise that.

i turned the corner, but i didn't leave. something in my chest told me that i should make sure you stopped crying enough to get to class. that you would stop crying enough to smile again. because you were always smiling.

but i didn't know your past.

and you didn't know mine.

i'd seen people cry before, lana. trust me. but none of them intrigued me like you did. i wanted to know what had upset you that day and i wanted to know how you managed to wipe away the cracked shell so easily and replace it with a new one. because one second you were breaking down and the next you were flawless and i wanted to know how you did it. i needed to know.

i know we both had our problems and our differences, but you didn't judge me when we had our chats second period on a tuesday and so i didn't judge you then.

but you have no clue how much i regret not going up to you that day and asking how you were. you were strong, lana, but you were carrying enough weight for two. i would've helped you carry that weight.

only now i realise how little i knew about you and it is literally killing me, inside and out.

Delivered - 24/08/15 - 23:09 pm
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a/n- this reached 2k reads and that means so much. i mean, this story has only been up for a month and a bit? and it's one of my fastest growing stories. this is so close to my heart right now, and i cant thank you enough for the support. i hope you enjoy this little insight into louis' and alana's relationship. it wasn't the best, but you learn to love it. i mean, we've got a way to go yet, but thank you.

so much.