A Girl Named Jude| A Jonnor Story

Chapter 5

I sit in science waiting for the bell to ring. It's almost lunch time and I need to ask Connor to come over Saturday. We need to talk in private about what happened in the tent. Neither of us have brought it up yet and it happened a week ago. I'm sick of wondering. I also can't tell if he's avoiding me.

There he is, putting his binder away. He's not even trying and he looks so good. I walk up and touch his arm. I ask him about our plans for tonight but he says he can't come to my house anymore, at all. "Why?" I ask. He looks almost disappointed," It's my dad h-he thinks you're gay." Gay? I'm not gay.

"Why?" I ask, he doesn't know we kissed. " He says you're flamboyant but I don't know what that means." he looks at his feet. "I mean, are you, you know?" he nearly whispers. "Gay?!" I say, not caring if people hear. "You can say it, it's not a bad word...and what if I was gay? Would you not wanna sleep at my house- if I really was gay?" I question.

I'm disappointed in him. He's always been fine with my moms being gay. But if I was it would be different? I'm also frustrated. I'm not gay at all. But I can't tell him because he wouldn't understand. He'd think I'm crazy or something. He still hasn't said anything so I walk away.

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It's late afternoon and I'm headed to my last period. I've had along day; two tests, a pop quiz, and fighting with Connor. I just want to go home, play bejeweled and take a nap. I look up and accidentally meet eyes with Connor. He's walking toward me. I turn around and walk the other way. I can take the long way to english.

"Jude!" he catches me. I turn around with an already annoyed face. "It wouldn't bother me if you were gay." he babbles frantically,"I don't care if you are. I mean I kind of do but-"
"I'm not gay, Connor." I say interrupting him. "Wait...you aren't?" he says moving the conversation to the side of the hall so people can't eavesdrop. " I thought you, I don't know liked me a little." he whispers timidly. "That's the thing, Connor." I swallow my nerves. "I do."

"So you are gay?" he's really not getting it. "No." I say in an aggravated tone. "I don't understand. I'm a guy and you like me. Doesn't that make you gay, or like bisexual or something?" he continues," I mean I'm not trying to force you into anything. I'm just confused. Like that's how it works, guys who like guys are gay. I mean unless you don't actually like me or-"

My fists are clenched and my jaw is tight. "God Connor, I'm not gay. I'm a girl!" I say too loudly. Some kids at their lockers look over to us. My vision is getting blurry and I can feel tears rimming my eyes. I can't look at him. I run down the hall into the janitor's closet. The  bathroom is not a safe place for me to cry so it's my only option. I flip a bucket and sit down, burying my hands in my face. He probably thinks I'm a freak. He's not going to like me anymore. He won't even want to talk to me. I just lost my chance with the best boy I've ever met.

I take a deep breath, wipe my tears and head to the office. I knock on the door. Mama says," Come on in. Oh, hi Jude." She notices what a mess I am,"Is everything okay? You look like you've been crying." she frowns at me. "I-I'm just not feeling very well. Can you take me home?" I feel my lip quiver and bite it. "Sure. Just let me give Monte these papers and we'll go." she says with worry in her voice.

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When we get home Mama offers to make me something to eat but I tell her I just want to go up to my room.  I take a nap and when I wake up, it's 4:30. I don't feel much better but if I fall asleep I might miss dinner. I'll just play games on my iPad for a while. Just after I beat level 18, Mom opens the door enough to stick her head in. She tucks her blonde hair behind her ear and says,"Hey bud, I know you're tired but are you up for a visitor?" she smiles at me. I nod and she lets Connor in.

He waits for her to close the door with his hands in the pockets of his jeans. I sit up and wait for him to talk. "I'm really sorry, Jude. I should've known." he says. "You know, that you're transgender." he looks at the floor. "You know what that means?" I say, shocked. "Well, I looked it up when I got home. That is what you meant, right?" he asks. I can't believe this is happening right now. "Yeah" I say and he sits in front of me on the bed. "I should've known. You're my best friend. And to be honest it makes a lot of sense to me now because I don't like boys." he reaches out and holds my hand. "When I started liking you I was really confused." When he says that I can't help but smile. He actually likes me. " I like girls and when we kissed some part of me knew you weren't an exception. You're just a girl and I like you." he blushes a little and looks at me for a moment.

"So are you gonna change your name?" he asks. "No, I think I'd like to keep the name Jude." He nods," A girl called Jude, I like it."