Beautiful Tragedy || Nick Jonas [σηε sнσт]

“A Beautiful Tragedy”

It had been a really long night, and I honestly was looking forward to taking a well deserved bath and have a long night’s sleep. I would deal with all the chaos tomorrow. No big deal… I’ve had worse.

I searched through my messy purse for my apartment’s key, relieved when the cold edgy small object came in contact with my fingertips. I took it out and inserted it in the key-lock before turning it smoothly. Then I placed my palm on the doorknob and opened the door swiftly.

“Liz” his voice startled me and I dropped the key and let the door only halfway open. I turned around to face him.

“You scared the life out of me” I accused, putting a hand against my frightened heart.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to. I just wanted to talk to you before you got inside, because, well we both know once inside you’re just not going to let me in or give me the time to talk” he was very right about that. He’s smart for a guy.

“What do you want, Nick?” the cutting edge in my voice surprised both of us; him more than me though.

“I..um, to apologize” his face fell at my indifference and it tugged at my heart. Stop, you can’t give in now. It’s not about you, it’s about him. 

“Yeah?” I prompted.

“I’m really sorry Liz. It was wrong of me to kiss you on-stage tonight” he stated. Even I could see clearly how hard it was for him to apologize for it.

“Why did you do it?” I asked, acting like uninterested but I really did want to know.

“I don’t know… We were singing ‘Give Love a Try’ and I guess I got caught up. When you looked up at me at the end I had this urge to kiss you… I stopped myself but when you looked away I knew I wasn’t going to walk off that stage without doing exactly what I wanted. So I pulled you to me and kissed you. I could say it was a spur of the moment, but I’m not going to lie about this. We both know how I feel and have felt for you for a long time now. Kissing you is all I think about when you’re anywhere near me. It’s what I’ve been dreaming for countless nights” he said.

“And tonight you finally made it happen huh?” There wasn’t remotely enough venom in my voice to convince anyone that I was mad at him.

“Yeah, and it was very disrespectful and wrong of me to even try that when we were up there, where I knew you wouldn’t do anything about it just because of the fans” he seemed honest in his apology.

“It was” I stated.

“But you don’t forgive me, do you? Liz, I’m so sorry okay? I acted like a jerk! But you can’t possible hate me for one mistake. Especially when I only did it because I like you so much and all I’ve ever wanted is a chance. One chance, Liz. It’s all I ask for…” I cut him off with a kiss.

Damn him for being so smart, and cute and gorgeous and just freaking perfect.

I kissed him with so much hot unchecked passion and he responded with as much fervor. This wasn’t suppose to happen. I can’t let this happen.

I slowly, hesitantly broke off the kiss… but my arms still clung to his neck, almost as if he were my anchor, the only thing keeping me afloat.

His liquid brown chocolate colored eyes burned with fiery warmth and determination and they held my own melting-ice ones.

“You don’t know me Nick. You don’t know who I really am” I said, urging him to believe what I was saying.

“Liz, I’m sure I know exactly who you are… maybe you’re the one who needs to look deep down, and see what I see” He whispered softly, while stroking my cheek in the gentlest way. It made my heart ache in a bitter-sweet way.

“No. You have come to a conclusion of the girl I’m supposed to be and trust me, you came to the wrong conclusion. I am not who you think I am. I am the complete opposite. The girl you see in me, is who I used to be a long time ago. Once upon a time, I was a good girl; selfless, compassionate, unable to hurt anyone except myself. But I got hurt Nick, over and over again, people betrayed me and my trust. They hurt me and didn’t care what it did to me. I’ve changed though, I am nothing like that sweet, innocent girl that I once were. I have tried for so long to go back to being good but no matter how hard I try, I can’t; I’ve been damaged too deeply. I wish I could be the person that you wish me to be but I’m not, and I will not pretend that I am”.

Nick tried to argue but I stopped him, placing a single finger on his lips.

“Chances are that I’ll hurt you… not because I want to, but because it’s what I do now; it’s part of who I have become. I will hurt you not because you deserve it, but because my restless and paranoid mind, keeps telling me that I should hurt you, before you hurt me. I can’t change it… no matter how much I wish I could. I will hurt you and you will hate me for it… and then I’ll hate myself too, because I like you so much and you deserve better. I am too broken and shattered that I am no longer good enough for you, and it isn’t fair for me to enjoy this or to let you conform with what little I can give you” I had never imagined, that it would be this hard to push him away from me, but if I cared for him, even if just a little, I had to force him to understand that I’m no good for him and I will only cause him heartbreak and pain.

“What a sad beautiful tragic love affair” he murmured, almost like if he were singing softly.

“Did you just quote Taylor Swift? Nevermind… you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said in the past five minutes have you?” I questioned, a little exasperated. Yeah, I did like the guy, but he had a way of getting under my skin very quickly.

“Oh, I heard every word. I just realized that I don’t care… if you want to hurt me, go right ahead, I welcome it” he extended his hands in a motion that said here I am, what are you going to do about it?

The idiot.

I let out a deep breath and Nick stepped closer to me once again, cupping my face with his hands.

“You’re playing with fire…” I warned, unable to control my speeding heart beat.

“You know what they say about love… It’s the best healer” he said with a smug smile, I rolled my eyes.

“Isn’t that supposed to be, time it’s the best healer?” I asked, trying hard not to smile.

“Is it? Well, you know what I mean” he said with a shrug, “You can say anything you want Liz, but you are not going to get rid of me. If you were hurt, I’ll help you heal, with love, kisses, and soft caresses. If you are broken and shattered, I will fix you and mend you’re broken heart. If you have lost yourself, then I’ll find the real you and help her find her way back. I am not leaving you and I’m not going to give up now. I have worked so hard to get this close to you, nothing you say will scare me away. If you hurt me then fine, I’m not going to die because of it. I’ve been hurt before, it won’t be the first or the last time it happens. I can deal with it… the question is, can you?”

I thought about if for a moment, I mean how bad can it be?

“This is a very bad idea, dangerous even” I stated.

“Those are the best kind” a smile grew on his lips after the words left his mouth.

“I really hope you’re right” and that was all I could say before he leaned in to kiss me in such a way, that I might not just forget my terrible past… I might have trouble remembering my name.

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