Bekaraan [Limitless]

10 The Event

"Try to accept the changing seasons of your heart, even if you've never heard of winter."
- Rumi

Mahrukh gaped at him with her mouth hung open as he disappeared out of the house. He could've walked alongside her. She didn't expect him to escort her, just walk out with her. But he chose to leave her there. Heat coursed through her entire body, embarrassment having a shrill laugh. She huffed, calming herself.

"It's okay. He's mad. He has all the reasons to be." She murmured to herself before following suit.

When she reached the vast gate, she found him leaning against the car. With his arms folded across his chest, and one leg crossed over the other, he was staring into nothingness as he patiently waited for her.

He looked at her as she approached him. Tipping his head, he moved aside and opened the car door for her. Embarrassment poked at her yet again. If he was mad at her, at least live up to it completely. Normally, people show their irascibility by being rude or just simply not talking to you.

But here he was just giving her a cold shoulder while being as nice with her as always. He was still ever so caring towards her. Though not prolonging their conversations, he was still holding small talks with her, sensing when she needed them. This was so strange and out of the blue. And it didn't let her be resentful towards him in return even if she wanted to and tried, because what was there to be resentful at in the first place?

Mumbling him a thank you, she ambled towards the car. She held the rim of the door for support to seat herself in. But then, she stopped abruptly. Maaz lifted a perplexed eyebrow and she twiddled her fingers with the drape of her saree. The knots in her shoulders tightened, sinking her down with more embarrassment.

She was never the one to shy away from voicing her opinions and what she wanted. She had always been outrageously vocal about everything and no matter the restriction, she'd get her way across; even if she didn't, she'd at least try relentlessly.

And that's exactly what had become a bane for her now. She was integrated that way. Having fought for everything her entire life, fury was an integral part of her personality. She wasn't attuned to any other language than verbalizing her thoughts and wants with anger. She had grown up with scorching fire inside her. Fire was her best friend. It was her shadow. She wasn't familiar with any other way of communication and getting her way across other than raised voices and heated arguments. That was a norm for her. That was her normalcy.

But now, everything had changed drastically. She had always dreamt of leaving the shackles of toxicity the Zanjani Haveli binded her with and making a loving home once she did. A home where there would be no loudness and raised voices. A home which she'd make with her own hands. A home which would only breath comfort, stillness and no negativity.

But one can think, one can imagine, and one can want. But one can't evade the chains binding them so easily. It takes time. It takes patience. And it takes energy. Loads of it.

She had spent her entire life surviving in the Haveli with bated breaths. And now when she was finally being given the space to actually live, she was finding it hard to even breathe.

That's what trauma does to a person. It clogs your brain into a shell which you want to navigate out of but can't seem to. Your trauma becomes your shadow which you want to evade but it doesn't evade you.

Maaz was too nice, respectful and caring towards her. Things that were almost foreign to her. He would actually listen to her and understand her which was both unfamiliar and strange. He had shown her that relationships can be based on gentleness rather than conflict- something which had always been a far-fetched dream for her. So now when she actually did want to voice out the thought that was nagging her, she could neither find the right words nor the strength to word it out. She felt embarrassed for being too demanding- accustomed to refusals and her needs being declined. Not to mention the fact that she didn't trust herself enough to put her point across calmly and without yelling.