People are so afraid of change because it is the only thing that is absolute in life. It's a certainty and people fear certainties becasue they can make us realize how little we really are. I went to a "crisis counceler" today and I learned that therapy is definitely not for me. I'm going to go to the follow-up appointment but only because I want the drugs.
Therapy won't be of any use to me. I feel uncomfortable and just plain wrong giving up my inner turmoils for nothing. I guess that's the writer in me.People need to earn the right to hear all my deppresive bullshit. I hope the drugs will help but I'm wary of taking them. I don't want to become dependent on them or maybe that's not it... I can't really put my finger on it but now that the drugs are within my reach and have become a tangible option I'm much more cautious towards the idea of them. I will give them a shot though. Might as well. Free drugs are free drugs afterall.
I wish I was social enough to be able to drown my sorrows in drink and illegal drugs but I'm just not. I still need to find myself a girl although I would rather her find me. Nicole isn't looking like a feasible option. I don't like her personality at all, of course being one of the blessed penis carriers I would still fuck her except I'm not comfortable around her so I don't think I can.
I really need to start drinking. I mean what if it frees me up a little? Gives a bit of jolt to my confidence? I sound like a moron who is looking for his answers in things that will ultimately fail him but I already know this I just don't care. I'm not sure wheather that makes me even more stupid or slightly clever. It's a fine line between stupidity and cleverness.
