Almond Boy

Almond Boy - 26

Elliot and Emma are sitting outside of the building, waiting for Emma's mother. Elliot can't stop breathing heavily as he pushes Emma's oxygen cart back and forth and back and forth over and over. He hasn't talked since the meeting, and his contribution during the session wasn't long - but it left an impression.

Group was one of those times Elliot had blinked. He blinked, and suddenly they were all the way around the circle and onto him. He hadn't even heard Emma speak her part. They were just there, staring at him, waiting.
He almost had a heart attack. Had he just zoned out? But it felt like more. It felt like time just zoomed by him. One blink.

And because of this, he responded stiffly and uncomfortable, not like anything he'd been saying to himself since Group entered his mind.

"So, Elliot, would you like to share?"

"Share what?"

"Who you are, why you're here, what is troubling you - your condition perhaps?

"Um. I'm Elliot. I'm here with Emma, here, and um, I have Hypoplastic Left-Heart Syndrome."

"And would you like to explain what that is?"

"A heart defect."

"And how long do you have?"

Elliot had gotten so angry at that question. Who were they to ask him something like that? Why did they need to know?

Goddamn it, not even he knows. He doesn't have the answer to that, what makes them deserve it?

"I'm past my due date," is what he said instead.

Everyone went silent after that, even Emma had. Now she can't stop staring at him. Watching him push her cart, staring off into the distance, looking like he's swelling underneath the hot sun.

The rolling back and forth, the wheels catching over the sidewalk. It sounds like a harsh topple over the pavement, but all Emma is hearing is "tick-tock tick-tock".

"Should we go into the shade?"

No answer. Emma sighs and stands up, brushing off her pants. She puts her hand over his, taking hold of her own cart. His attention snaps up to her.

"Is your mom here?"

She shakes her head and Elliot zones out again. Watching closely, Emma tries to find where Elliot went, but she can't quite reach him. He's lost in his own thought.

Emma knows she shouldn't let it get to her. What he said inside the meeting was nothing different or nothing strange, in fact, he's said way worse, but it just seemed so exposed at that moment. There were a dozen different eyes on him and he still said the same thing. It wasn't their private, horribly disturbing joke. It's real. And that is driving Emma crazy.

She sees his illness now more than ever before. He isn't just zoning out, he's checking out. His heavy breathing isn't just from being tired throughout the day, it could be because he's on his last leg. As he swells in this hot sun he's becoming a balloon that is going to pop, and she'll be knocked sideways from this explosion, bawling, alone in the dirt.

"Are you okay, Elliot?"

Elliot shakes his head and nods. "Yeah, I'm just - I'm just trying to get away from here."

Get away from here. What if he wants to leave forever? Elliot looks completely vacant. Is he really just trying to forget where he is? Or is he thinking about more?

Maybe it's just her. Maybe she's going crazy. She's thinking too much. But she can see him swelling in this hot sun and is scared if they don't go into the shade.