A Single Teardrop

Thought of you today

Driving home from a meeting for valedictorian

I started thinking 

I wish you could see your 'kids' graduate this year

You were so much more than an 11th grade English teacher to us

You are partly responsible to where most of us are today

Your 

Guidance

Wisdom

Patience

And even friendship 

Is what made 11th grade English our favorite class 

You were always there to lend a helping hand when we were in need

And for those special few who had you for Yearbook 

You took the time to befriend us

When we needed someone to talk to we knew we could turn to you

You were my teacher for only half a year but you still managed to become my favorite 

When you got sick and had to leave school

The first thing I asked was 'when is she going to be back?' 

I was thinking maybe in a week or two

I never even considered at that time that I wouldn't have you as my teacher for the rest of the year

But as the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months I had to accept it

But still I had hope that by next school year you would be better

And I could take yearbook my senior year to have you as a teacher

But as May approached I heard the devastating news

The doctors said you wouldn't make it to Christmas  

But I refused to believe this 

Even with all the facts

I was praying for a miracle

You wouldn't die

I couldn't help but think of all the lower classes who would never get the honor of being taught by you

It just wasn't possible in my mind

You had to be okay

So I prayed

And we donated money to your family 

I went to the benefit 

And bought a shirt with your name on it

Then I prayed some more

Senior year started and you were still here

You had your good days and your bad days 

I was still praying for that miracle

A few months go by and its now December 

I think how grateful your family will be to spend Christmas with you

December 19, 2013 

The Facebook messages start to appear 

'We will miss you'

'Rest in peace'

'Heaven got a new angel'

As I scroll through my newsfeed to confirm that this is real

The tears start to fall

Pretty soon I am sobbing so hard I can't see anything

My mom who is on the phone in the kitchen hears me and comes ask what is wrong

I can barely speak but I manage to choke out your name

I don't say anything else

But I don't need to

She knows

She tells the person on the phone she has to go

And she hugs me tight as I cry on her shoulder 

I lost track of how much I cried that night 

But I know when I woke up the next morning my eyes where still wet

A few days later I go to your funeral

I hang around in the back because I don't want to disturb your family

But my mom walks straight up to the casket to pay her respects 

I am silently crying in the background as I watch her introduce herself to someone

She motions for me to come see

So I slowly make my way to the front 

I glance in the casket and I am hit with wave of emotion

I can barely recognize you 

The cancer has erased the woman who I called a friend almost completely

I turn to the woman my mom is talking to 

Its your mom

I give her a hug and try to express how much you meant to me through my tears

She tells me thank you and I can see she wants to cry too 

As I walk away 

I look at you one last time 

I silently thank you for everything

And I say my goodbye

This is what I thought about today

As I was driving home from a meeting for valedictorian

I wish you could see me graduate 

And hear my speech

 But as a single tear rolls down my cheek

I think to myself

You will

Because even though you are not on this Earth anymore

I know in my heart 

You are still watching over us