Mif

THE MESSAGE

     Euphoric and memorable was that diwali. My entire family had never been gathered as much as that twilight for the late supper chats. My uncle Prem and aunt Kalyanii had prepared a delightful basket full of happily floating puris and enchanting rottis.

'Okay Fred. Turn off your cellphone and eat' my mom sneered.

'Alright', I turned to my dish.

'And here is the much awaited dish... Paneer chicken tikka!!' Prem announced. He worked as a cheff in Park Hyatt hotel at Delhi before marriage. He fell in love with his customer Kalyanii. He married her and settled in Kumbakonam, the town of temples. Gracious couple.

Ghibran, Prem's younger son, gathered the plates and collected it so excitingly. It ran into his throat like a real chicken striving for life. That seemed so cruel.

'Don't eat like a buffalo' Miya teased. Turning to me, she poked me playfully, 'What sir ? Awaiting a text from Shafna Shaafz huh?'

I shook my head. Miya was Prem's elder daughter. Probably, our next family gettogether might be for her marriage. She had been dating Sid since her school days. She always used to exaggarate her boyfriend's simple funnily stupid lines for her. Her boyfriend was a horrible writer. Twice, she had failed in her english test for writing the poems of her boyfriend. And Shafna Shaafz was my school time crush. Twice I asked her out for an ice cream, but she was already dating my senior. Some extraordinarily brilliantly predicting part of my mind still said that she too had a crush on me. The dominant part that killed 99 % of boys life in India. But Shaafz promised me a bucket full of briyani this diwali. I used to proxy her attendance whenever she wanted to bunk with her boyfriend and support her against her parents that she went out with Terina and Karishma, the twinkling-two of CEG, so she owed me. I've earned enough of disappointments from her. She used to forget me as if I've never existed just like she used to breathe. Still, I was not prominent in anything to be remembered. My mother used to forget me while watching her serials. I'm a real time failure and a waste of effort for the universe.

It was already 1 a.m. and I was still waiting for a text from Shaafz. I'd read our last conversation a dozen times. She was probably tired after a long day of forgetting me, so she forgot to respond.

'Woooowww!! You're sooo sweet. Baby....' Miya flirted on call. 'You know what he said.. ?' she crooked her smile 'Are you sure? you mean..?'. She paused. Turned to me. 'I'm going out tomorrow. Don't tell mom.' she said. And she giggled. Poor female. Just a little thought of Sid always excited her. I wondered how she would survive any breakup.

Pain demands to be felt, my favourite author taught me that. But endurance is like an open heart surgery without anesthesia. I was reading the fault in our stars probably for the 86th time. As I turned the next page, she turned the light off. Time to sleep.

'The same book.' Miya teased. 'Won't you get bored? Robots repeat their process like a loop. Only robots like you'.

'Good night' I said. 'And thank you.'

I'm not a robot. I have feelings. Maybe, because I don't have a girlfriend or any other friend in girls, I'm reading the same book. If not, then what's my purpose on this world? To create any revolution or something? I'd think about it later. Someday, I'll meet someone and my life will change. Someday, I'll sit in front of my piano and play my favourite tune looking at her eyes and suddenly a symphony will support my tune and the spotlight that she'll take, and that way I'll fall in love, not the beauty that is going to impress me, nor the music, but her eyes. Just her eyes. The way she looks at me. I'll wait for a thousand more years if my fantasy will ever come true. Sadly, I'm not a vampire. I'm not Edward Cullen and there's no Bella Swan. Reality is cruel.

It was 2 a.m. and I couldn't get sleep.

I turned around and tried harder. The feeling of being lonely, the feeling of emptiness surrounded me. Don't worry, you'll get someone soon. Good things take time, I said to myself. Great things do happen in a blink of an eye. Its a marvel how the mood was shifted on that day, euphoric at the start and tiringly lonely and sleepless at the end. Nothing's going to be the same forever. Just like that I believed my life would change, even if not now, neither tomorrow or next year, there will be a change.

Two minutes later I was in facebook posting all the forever alone pictures and posts.

2:17 a.m. None online.

I recoiled under my bedsheet and tried to sleep. Tomorrow I'd leave to my hometown. I'd miss Miya. I'd have to spend my time alone in my seconds reckoning room. I would start over the fault in our stars again. Or I'd watch the twilight movie. My mom would be busy with her serials. Meanwhile, I'd go to college. I'd meet Shaafz. And she'd ignore me.

I wish I had superpowers of impressing girls. Same fantasy again.

I opened my inbox. 'No unread messages', my mobile said. I know right?.

'Hey Shaafz, is there anything important tomorrow? Shall we meet? You owe me briyani.. :P' I'd sent her earlier tonight. Message delivered at 10:47 p.m. and no response. She might have slept, I thought, everytime she ignored me.

I threw my cellphone away and tried to sleep.

I closed my eyes and started counting backwards from 100. They said, it would help us sleep. I knew I slowly started sleeping as I approached 90.

But exactly when I reached 87, my cellphone beeped.