Am I Invisible?

Honestly

I feel like I am lacking style and all good things as a writer and as a human. I just don't know why and how things are going totally different from what I imagined for this year I know in life things don't go as planned but why does it have to go with totally different things that I didn't even think I would commit.
I never ever thought I would become silent
I never thought I would forget my real self
I never thought
I would be this mature in this way with emotions
I never thought I would just end up becoming the reason for someone else's hurt
I never thought I would end up writing chapters that would be my reality but still won't be wholly mine
I never thought I would be labelled with so many things I am not even
I never thought that this year I will be all alone
I never knew that this year my health will take this turn
I never thought my thoughts would turn from alive to dead like now
I never thought that this year all the things will be never thought this year I will lose so much of myself
I never thought I would hurt someone who I don't even know
I never thought I would become the reason cause of someone's stress
I never wanted to be that
I just don't know how to trust now how to just react, all I can do is be calm
I never knew I would be abandoned by many people this year
I never knew that people won't look at me like I was a kid a damn 14 year old teen not an adult
I just don't know what's in my own mind.

I knew the world was cruel but why did it choose me just like that I am done understanding others'perspectives every time when no one tries to even understand mine.

I used to love this season and the monsoon but I didn't know that these two seasons will be like a nightmare for those who don't come in my dreams.
I never knew I would be hurt to this extent that I will start begging for breaths, for comfort.
I never knew I would feel what it feels like to have a cold heart due to hurt.
I didn't even think that I would become cold rather than a smiling person I never knew my almond eyes would be red at the start of this year and tired by this year's end.

I never thought breathing would become a skill I had to damn relearn.
10 September, 20 September and many of these dates I won’t forget.

My body was shaking, chest locked, lips parted for air that wouldn’t enter.

Lying on the kitchen floor because collapsing silently was better.

I never knew this year would teach me that
It's better to die alone than trying to get help, cause in that way you might almost kill someone else so it's better to die alone with your own pain.

I never knew that I would end up being a victim of "online bullying" disguised as protection. I knew I did wrong but please ask if I was okay but no one did it they thought my reality my this whole personality my actions here speak is fake that I am just a bad person in reality who is jealous of other people's success I don't want to blame someone or people I don't think you guys even know that but please believe me I am a human too I am a kid I accept I have done mistakes and I don't run away from it I never have but just trust me it hurts when someone just ends up making you feel like you shouldn't be alive.
It hurts
I am tired

Anyways too much drama I have written i don't want some people to call it brainwashing my own readers too anyways what you guys think I should do?

Should I just stop writing?
Or just continue

It's about all of my works